Pink Floyd is one of my favorite bands. When I was in college, I used to study and
listen to Pink Floyd. One of my favorite songs was “Brain Damage.”
“The lunatic
is in the hall.
The lunatics are in my hall.And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.
That
song resonated even before I had two strokes. Now, “Brain Damage” is very ironic
considering I do have brain damage! The lyrics
are fitting because my head exploded with dark forebodings that scared me so
much because I thought I would die.
It
is hard for me to realize that I do have brain damage. In some obscure way, even now, I do not think
this is me. But it is. About 20% of my
brain is gone.
I
am so grateful that I have the tenacity to try anything that will help me
recover. In the hospital, a therapist told me that I would never drive again
because of double vision and limited vision on my right side. A doctor told me that I could never work
again because of the damage. “Just realize
this is your life and basically take it easy.” One doctor told my wife and I
that I “had to have memory loss” because they scanned my brain (a lot!), and
they knew I must have memory loss. My right arm was paralyzed for a while, and
some thought I would have some limited mobility issues.
They
were wrong. I recovered all of those things that they said were impossible. They just do not know me and my support
systems! I have been beating the odds so far, and I will never quit. Ever.
One
hurdle that I will want and need to conquer is reading and hand writing. I was a speed reader. I love to read, and I
would read several books at a time. The
fact that my hobby was reading and my profession required a lot of reading makes
this challenge even more important.
I
cannot take notes like a Power Point. I just cannot hand write anything. I
cannot read aloud. I can comprehend everything, but I cannot express it…reading,
hand writing, math, etc. There is a disconnect in my brain. I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.
I
was researching strokes and vision because I have vision loss. (It takes me a long time to read anything!) I happened to read several studies about
strokes, vision, and hypnotherapy. I
have no qualms trying unusual therapies. Right arm is weak because of the
stroke? The key is acupuncture! So why not try hypnotherapy to see if I can
read fluidly again.
One
website said “This stroke
program is an amazing process to teach the brain how to repair damage from
stroke or brain injury. This program asks the brain to electrically reconnect
the wiring, find new areas of the brain to perform certain functions, and heal
the spirit. After a part of the brain is damaged, another part can begin to
take over the function. As the brain practices, during hypnosis, it uses a new
area to produce speech or movement; it strengthens the electrical signals to
that new part of the brain, and then grows new connections from that part of
the brain to the function that is needed.”
I have had
two appointments with my hypnotherapist, and today we concentrated on reading
and bridging the gaps in my corpus
callosum. It is a wide, flat bundle of neural fibers beneath the cortex and it connects
the left and right cerebral hemispheres and
facilitates interhemispheric communication.
During this
session, we worked on my capacity to make new pathways in my brain. I will
focus a lot of my energy trying to bridge the damage in my brain.
I really
believe that this is possible. Just like many people told me I cannot recover
fully, I cannot accept that possibility.
My life is about possibilities.
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