Dream Sideways and Strokes

Memorial Day is a holiday whose origins are not clear anymore. Memorial Day is a federal holiday in the United States for remembering the people who died while serving in the country's armed forces.

However, today's citizens celebrate the "beginning of summer" not honoring military service. People BBQ, drink, gather with family and friends, and get their first sunburn. It is the American ritual.

This year on Memorial Day, two families were beset by tragedies.

One person I barely knew. The other person, I never knew at all.

But, our three stories are entwined.

Years ago, I went to college with a man I knew slightly. We would pass in the hallway and say “hello.” I kind of forgot him other than a vague memory. We reconnected of Facebook, and we would “like” things about our families. On Facebook, we would say “we should have lunch. Soon.”

He died of a heart attack on Memorial Day. He was 55 years old. He was a year older than me.

That same day, a man I never knew had a massive stroke. He Is 52 years old and a doctor.

What we had in common is Facebook.

I found out about my college friend's death on Facebook.

I found out about the doctor’s stroke because his wife is a REALTOR®, and a friend of mine told me (on Facebook), “You should reach out to this couple because of your strokes.”

I went to my friend's funeral. He had such a full life filled with friendship, family, talent, and helping other people through mentorship.

I felt guilty being there. I really did not know him well. I wish I had. But, it is too late.

At his funeral, someone recounted an time when Mark Boylan (my college friend) helped a young woman who was devastated. She said her “dream is shattered.” Mark said something like, you might need to change your dream. New opportunities will happen.

And then, Mark said “Dream sideways.” Change your course.

I think about Mark’s advice a lot. “Dream sideways.”

Dr. Timothy McHugh is a family medicine doctor in Meridian, Idaho and is affiliated with multiple hospitals in the area, including Saint Alphonsus Medical Center.

I visited Dr. McHugh several times at Saint Alphonsus in Boise where he is recovering from his stroke. 3 1/2 years ago I had two strokes. I was in Saint Al's for 18 days. When I visited Tim, I looked around my old room.

Our stories and backgrounds are similar in some respects: Highly educated and driven, politically active, supports many causes, never smoked, well read, about the same age, etc.

Every stroke is different, and Tim’s stroke affected his left side. He is left handed. My right side is affected.

Now, he is starting his difficult journey of strokes and recovery. He and his wife have joined the very exclusive club that no one wants to join: Stroke survivors and caregivers. A shitty club with no rules.

However, he will recover. His life will never be the same. It will be different. Who knows what “different” will be for him?

After my strokes, going to the bathroom alone in my hospital room was a huge victory. A high profile powerful CEO, lobbyist, and elected official reduced to trying to wipe my own butt alone. But it was a start.

My dreams are different now. Dr. McHugh’s dreams are different now.

I am dreaming sideways. He will too.

The Two Faces of the American Dream

The massive wave of Norwegian immigration to Minnesota from the 1850s through the early 20th century wasn't a casual choice; it was an escape from crushing land scarcity and economic desperation. My ancestors, the Dunhams, arrived in 1851 and built a life in Otter Tail County in Minnesota. My great-great-grandfather, Jens Christian Dunham, didn’t just survive—he thrived. He served in the Minnesota legislature as a Republican from 1888 to 1890 and later became a staunch advocate for President Teddy Roosevelt. He was the literal embodiment of the American Dream: an immigrant who fled poverty to become a lawmaker in his new home. Fast forward a century, and a new wave of immigrants—this time from Somalia—is following that exact same blueprint. Like the Norwegians before them, they fled hardship to build a future in Minnesota, and many have run for office to serve the state that welcomed them. Yet, the political rhetoric surrounding these two groups couldn't be more polarized. Don...

Phantom Blindness and Taking a Break after Strokes

I met with my eye doctor last week about taking some time off from my vision therapy. I have been doing therapy since my stroke almost two and a half years ago. I am tired, and a need a break. My doctor said, “This is completely understandable. Take some time off.” At the appointment, my doctor tested my vision. Because of the strokes, my vision was affected, and I have a problem in my field of vision on the right side. I have a deficit with my right side peripheral vision. However, it is getting better. During the test, I told him that I “sense things on the right side of my peripheral vision.” It seems that I know that something is there, but I cannot really distinguish what it is. He told me that there is a body of thought describing phantom vision or phantom blindness. A Polish researcher, L. Bieganowski, described this phantom blindness this way: “The subject of the paper is the phenomenon of phantom vision. It occurs among the blind (or almost blind...

Greek orthodox and Catholic‘s

Being a history buff, I’ve always understood that the Catholic Church was split in about 1000 A.D. Our Greek tour guide mentioned the differences a little bit yesterday, but she did not capture the full history. Today I saw a small Greek orthodox by the roadside and I’m going to insert about the history. Eastern Orthodox Catholics and Roman Catholics are the result of what is known as the East-West Schism (or Great Schism) of 1054, when medieval Christianity split into two branches. The Byzantine split with Roman Catholicism came about when Pope Leo III crowned Charlemagne, King of the Franks, as Holy Roman Emperor in 800. From the Byzantine viewpoint, this was a slap to the Eastern Emperor and the Byzantine Empire itself — an empire that had withstood barbarian invasions and upheld the faith for centuries. After Rome fell in 476, Byzantium was the only vestige of the Holy Roman Empire. Charlemagne’s crowning made the Byzantine Emperor redundant, and relations between the East and...

Dunham Family and My Stroke Story!

Search This Blog