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Nick Lowe and good intentions

"Cruel to Be Kind" is a 1979 single by Nick Lowe and it was a favorite song of mine in high school.

The sentiments are pretty appropriate now. So many people believe that they have to be cruel to be kind to deal with the emotions my strokes and my son’s celiac disease.

I have joined so many Facebook groups dealing with strokes, aphasia, and celiac disease. Those online support groups are incredibly helpful for me.

With those three conditions our family has experienced, the common thread often is "It’s God‘s will" or "it will just take time to adjust."

Though well-intentioned, often people say "I have to say this. I know it’s hard. But I have to be cruel to be kind let you know that need to just buck up and accept this new reality."

Really?


Today, a stroke survivor on Facebook lamented that her brother basically said, "We’re all tired of your shit. Just get over it and move on. We’ve moved on. I don’t think you realize how much your stroke has affected everybody else in your life, I’m telling you to just stop dwelling on the past."

In other words paraphrasing this common sentiment "I know better than you so I’m telling you this to be cruel to be kind."

It seems people say things like that because "we are too close to the reality and don’t understand what’s really happening." 

My son’s celiac diagnosis is pretty recent. Yet I’ve already had people tell me that "Just make him change his diet right now. He just has to accept it. He’s always been picky and he needs to buck up."

It’s just not that easy. Adolescence is tough anyway with hormones, peer pressure, not wanting to be different, etc. Then you have the added pressure of this confusing and scary disease?

So when people say just get over it, I call bullshit.

It’s just not eating gluten free stuff. There is a wholesale lifestyle change such as cleaning out pantry’s, spices, cutting boards, toasters, shampoo, cosmetics, etc. Gluten is in everything. 

Just like with my strokes, it is hard to get over celiac disease. 


So when well-meaning yet uninformed people it is tough for me to keep my mouth shut. 

No, "He can’t just cheat for holidays. How about on Sundays?"

I think I might have to be cruel to be kind and say "just shut the hell up."

It’s like the old adage. You cannot be a little pregnant. It means it is a situation in which there is no ambiguity or no gray area.


There’s no gray area. I had two strokes. I have fibromuscular dysplasia. I have a aphasia. My son has celiac disease. 

My wife asked to deal with of this. She is a saint. Yet when people are so arrogant about her reality and trying to be cruel to be kind, it infuriates me. She doesn’t deserve this.

This is a lifetime sentence, and people think that it’s cruel to be kind when they have no idea about our reality.

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