When I
was a child, my parents divorced, and my dad moved from Twin Falls, Idaho to
Boise, Idaho. I think that I have
travelled back and forth at least 500 times….maybe 1,000 times. A very small town called King Hill was about
the midpoint.
King
Hill was called “King Hill” I assume because there is a large plateau that
resembles a crown. Maybe that was just my analysis. But, I always assumed that
town was called King Hill because of the prominent plateau.
The
concept of a therapy plateau was always a consideration. Even when I was in the
hospital, the doctors and therapists cautioned me about that. At that point, I wondered
about they were talking about. To have a plateau, it seems that you needed to
start before you could plateau.
I
thought a lot about King Hill because, in my head, I was so concerned that I
was going to plateau. That desert plateau represented my journey.
One of
my favorite books is “The
Myth of Sisyphus.” Wikipedia
describes the book in this way: “In the
essay, Camus introduces his philosophy of the absurd: man's
futile search for meaning, unity, and clarity in the face of an unintelligible
world devoid of God
and eternal truths or values. Does the realization of the absurd require suicide? Camus
answers: "No. It requires revolt." He then outlines several
approaches to the absurd life. The final chapter compares the absurdity of
man's life with the situation of Sisyphus, a figure of Greek
mythology who was condemned to repeat forever the same meaningless task of
pushing a boulder up a mountain, only to see it roll down again. The essay
concludes, "The struggle itself [...] is enough to fill a man's heart. One
must imagine Sisyphus happy."
It the
20 months since my strokes happened, my journey has be hard…incredibly hard. I
have been discouraged. I have thought about giving up. I have wondered what my life will be like in
two years. Three? Ten?
But,
when I thing about giving up, I just cannot do that. I have so much to live
for. My wonderful son and my incredible wife who supports me in the dark moments
when I wonder if this is all worth it. My brothers. How do I deserve such
brothers. And my friends. Even when I wanted to give up, no one would allow me
to wallow in self-pity.
So, in
world, I could not give up even if I wanted to. Again, I have so much to live
for, and I believe that my strokes happened for a reason. I am destined to help
people with my story and give back in some way that I cannot fathom yet.
In the
beginning with the strokes happened, my progress was incredible rapid. Through
the months, my recovery has astounding even though some of the changes have
been subtle , but the recovery is real and ongoing. I am still eager to “be
done with it,” but my recovery will be ongoing throughout my life.
Sometimes,
people ask me “are you plateaued?”
A very
clinical definition of plateau is: “Termination of motor rehabilitation is
often recommended as patients with cerebrovascular accident (CVA) become more
chronic and/or when they fail to respond positively to motor rehabilitation
(commonly termed a ‘plateau).”
I am
not plateaued! I have started a new round of therapy called vision therapy. I
have full and very busy life personally and professionally even though I do not
really have a job other than therapy and trying to make a difference.
So,
like Sisyphus, “The struggle
itself [...] is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus
happy."
I am happy and grateful.
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