Skip to main content

My limits

I have often thought about my “limits.” Before my strokes, I might’ve been too arrogant to realize that I do have limits. 

I just thought I could handle everything. I thought I could do whatever I wanted in this world. 

In the “Merry Wives of Windsor.” Shakespeare reflected my old life: “Why, then the world is my oyster, 
Which I with sword will open.”

It seems my oyster has a bitter aftertaste. I simply tired of fighting battles that I can’t win anymore. 

It was different when I knew I could conquer every hurdle. I could multitask and solve every problem with ease.


Since my strokes, everyday is a challenge. And I am happy that from the outside, people I think that my recovery is complete. Mainly because I’m not paralyzed,

But often I am paralyzed with a fear of failing. I am paralyzed because of my aphasia. Being a high-profile person in the community, I have a fear of making mistakes when I speak. “Word finding” is a problem especially when I am emotional and angry. My words do matter because it could affect public policy.

Recently, I have tested my limits because of a public policy issue. “MY words” do matter. Yet I am at a loss for words trying to explain my positions about some strategic and human resource issues.

As I second-guess myself, people have approached me to run for a noteworthy political office.

The good news is people think I have the leadership capability to do the job. The bad news is, the same people I have no idea about my limits.

Though I have run for public office three times successfully, I have to realize that my limits are real. I did harbor ambitions to seek higher office. Those dreams were shattered like a broken mirror of strokes and aphasia.

I am flattered that people think I can do what I used to do. I’m flattered that people think that my recovery was so amazing that I am “just fine now!”

Richard Bach wrote “Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.”

My limitations are self evident to me. I just can’t do it all.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Two Faces of the American Dream

The massive wave of Norwegian immigration to Minnesota from the 1850s through the early 20th century wasn't a casual choice; it was an escape from crushing land scarcity and economic desperation.  My ancestors, the Dunhams, arrived in 1851 and built a life in Otter Tail County in Minnesota. My great-great-grandfather, Jens Christian Dunham, didn’t just survive—he thrived. He served in the Minnesota legislature as a Republican from 1888 to 1890 and later became a staunch advocate for President Teddy Roosevelt. He was the literal embodiment of the American Dream: an immigrant who fled poverty to become a lawmaker in his new home. Fast forward a century, and a new wave of immigrants—this time from Somalia—is following that exact same blueprint. Like the Norwegians before them, they fled hardship to build a future in Minnesota, and many have run for office to serve the state that welcomed them. Yet, the political rhetoric surrounding these two groups couldn't be more polarized. Don...
Post a Comment
Read more

Phantom Blindness and Taking a Break after Strokes

I met with my eye doctor last week about taking some time off from my vision therapy. I have been doing therapy since my stroke almost two and a half years ago. I am tired, and a need a break. My doctor said, “This is completely understandable. Take some time off.” At the appointment, my doctor tested my vision. Because of the strokes, my vision was affected, and I have a problem in my field of vision on the right side. I have a deficit with my right side peripheral vision. However, it is getting better. During the test, I told him that I “sense things on the right side of my peripheral vision.” It seems that I know that something is there, but I cannot really distinguish what it is. He told me that there is a body of thought describing phantom vision or phantom blindness. A Polish researcher, L. Bieganowski, described this phantom blindness this way:    “The subject of the paper is the phenomenon of phantom vision. It occurs among the blind (or almost blind...
Post a Comment
Read more

Eye floaters, Strokes, Another ER visit….

It is always something.... I’ve had eye floaters for as long as I can remember. My paternal grandmother had them. My brothers have them too. They’ve always been part of my vision—little drifting specks, threads, and shadows moving across my sight. Over time, you learn to live with them. Sometimes they swirl around, sometimes they settle toward the bottom of your vision, and most of the time you simply ignore them. Floaters are actually tiny clumps inside the eye that cast shadows on the retina. They’re common as we age, especially after fifty, and usually they’re harmless. Doctors will tell you that most people eventually tune them out. But sometimes they change. On Wednesday, while we were driving home from an overnight trip, something felt different. It was my left eye. The floaters suddenly looked darker, heavier, and there were flashes of light along the edge of my vision—almost like a bright crescent moon flickering on and off. At first, I tried to ignore it. After everything ...
1 comment
Read more