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My limits

I have often thought about my “limits.” Before my strokes, I might’ve been too arrogant to realize that I do have limits. 

I just thought I could handle everything. I thought I could do whatever I wanted in this world. 

In the “Merry Wives of Windsor.” Shakespeare reflected my old life: “Why, then the world is my oyster, 
Which I with sword will open.”

It seems my oyster has a bitter aftertaste. I simply tired of fighting battles that I can’t win anymore. 

It was different when I knew I could conquer every hurdle. I could multitask and solve every problem with ease.


Since my strokes, everyday is a challenge. And I am happy that from the outside, people I think that my recovery is complete. Mainly because I’m not paralyzed,

But often I am paralyzed with a fear of failing. I am paralyzed because of my aphasia. Being a high-profile person in the community, I have a fear of making mistakes when I speak. “Word finding” is a problem especially when I am emotional and angry. My words do matter because it could affect public policy.

Recently, I have tested my limits because of a public policy issue. “MY words” do matter. Yet I am at a loss for words trying to explain my positions about some strategic and human resource issues.

As I second-guess myself, people have approached me to run for a noteworthy political office.

The good news is people think I have the leadership capability to do the job. The bad news is, the same people I have no idea about my limits.

Though I have run for public office three times successfully, I have to realize that my limits are real. I did harbor ambitions to seek higher office. Those dreams were shattered like a broken mirror of strokes and aphasia.

I am flattered that people think I can do what I used to do. I’m flattered that people think that my recovery was so amazing that I am “just fine now!”

Richard Bach wrote “Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.”

My limitations are self evident to me. I just can’t do it all.
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