Why don’t you blog anymore?

Last week, a close friend of mine ask me why I haven’t blogged for a long time.

I was startled for several reasons.

First of all, I didn’t think that anyone would notice. I started my blog a long time ago to keep track of memories of my son. The focus of my blog turned 180 degrees when my strokes happened.

I struggle to retain some semblance of “me”” My blog was a way to express myself. As I struggled to write missing words, prepositions, and thoughts, my blog was homework because my therapists mandated that I start to blog again.

It helped me to express my innermost demons and fears. I was embarrassed later when a reporter did a feature about me using my blog as a source.

As I emerged from my brain fog which took several years, I realized that I needed to be more careful choosing my words. People were reading my blog.

Later, using my blog, I announced my reelection campaign for a seat on the board of the College of Western Idaho. It was a useful tool for me to get the word out.

At the same time, I realized that I needed to choose my words wisely because I was representing the college. I’m on several other boards and I have a responsibility to them as well.

During the Trump era and the aftermath, I made some social media posts that had personal consequences for me. It seemed that rare political social media posts were deemed “condescending and arrogant.”

I decided to limit my social media presence especially my blog.

It was a very conscious decision. Ironically, because of my aphasia spoken words are difficult for me. Because of my communication issues, I was silenced other than my blog. But I felt I was silenced again.

I certainly have things to blog about. My health issues. Headaches for years. More MRIs and x-rays. My son’s health.

Frankly, the people who criticized my thoughts don’t deserve to read my blog.

So there you have it.

I’ve been seeing a counselor recently to help with my headaches. As counselors often do, we have delved into “why do you care about what those people think?”

This is the first blog post I’ve done for months. I certainly have things to say. I just need the courage to say it.

Comments

Denise said…

Welcome back! My own aphasia has improved a lot since I had my stroke 8 years ago, but it's still there and more pronounced if I'm tired (although ironically, no one really notices but me, I think). But I still keep trying, and keep getting better. I think you keep getting better until you quit trying or you die, and I'm not going to quit trying. Get what therapy you can and practice what they teach you--with stroke repetition is what matters.

August 6, 2021 at 3:34 PM

Rebecca Dutton said…

What I get from your blog is that it pays off to keep trying when my stroke creates a challenge. Even though I am an OT I put a lot of weight on other stroke survivors' strategies and outlooks.

August 7, 2021 at 6:15 AM

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