Why don’t you blog anymore?

Last week, a close friend of mine ask me why I haven’t blogged for a long time.

I was startled for several reasons.

First of all, I didn’t think that anyone would notice. I started my blog a long time ago to keep track of memories of my son. The focus of my blog turned 180 degrees when my strokes happened.

I struggle to retain some semblance of “me”” My blog was a way to express myself. As I struggled to write missing words, prepositions, and thoughts, my blog was homework because my therapists mandated that I start to blog again.

It helped me to express my innermost demons and fears. I was embarrassed later when a reporter did a feature about me using my blog as a source.

As I emerged from my brain fog which took several years, I realized that I needed to be more careful choosing my words. People were reading my blog.

Later, using my blog, I announced my reelection campaign for a seat on the board of the College of Western Idaho. It was a useful tool for me to get the word out.

At the same time, I realized that I needed to choose my words wisely because I was representing the college. I’m on several other boards and I have a responsibility to them as well.

During the Trump era and the aftermath, I made some social media posts that had personal consequences for me. It seemed that rare political social media posts were deemed “condescending and arrogant.”

I decided to limit my social media presence especially my blog.

It was a very conscious decision. Ironically, because of my aphasia spoken words are difficult for me. Because of my communication issues, I was silenced other than my blog. But I felt I was silenced again.

I certainly have things to blog about. My health issues. Headaches for years. More MRIs and x-rays. My son’s health.

Frankly, the people who criticized my thoughts don’t deserve to read my blog.

So there you have it.

I’ve been seeing a counselor recently to help with my headaches. As counselors often do, we have delved into “why do you care about what those people think?”

This is the first blog post I’ve done for months. I certainly have things to say. I just need the courage to say it.

Comments

Denise said…

Welcome back! My own aphasia has improved a lot since I had my stroke 8 years ago, but it's still there and more pronounced if I'm tired (although ironically, no one really notices but me, I think). But I still keep trying, and keep getting better. I think you keep getting better until you quit trying or you die, and I'm not going to quit trying. Get what therapy you can and practice what they teach you--with stroke repetition is what matters.

August 6, 2021 at 3:34 PM

Rebecca Dutton said…

What I get from your blog is that it pays off to keep trying when my stroke creates a challenge. Even though I am an OT I put a lot of weight on other stroke survivors' strategies and outlooks.

August 7, 2021 at 6:15 AM

Same as it ever was

When I had my two strokes more than 13 years ago, I was 50 years old. In the ensuing years I’ve had some health issues related to my strokes and other assorted “age related” things. In May of 2023, I was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis. As a result I have endured two years of pain and the resulting lack of exercise. That summer I tried to walk regularly but my heel pain was too extreme. I tried to do exercises to relieve the pain but nothing helped. In September of 2023 I asked my doctor to give me a shot of Cortizone. We were headed to Boston for meetings and then headed to Maine. I just wanted to enjoy the trip without pain. It helped a lot. Six months later I had the same pain. I went to an orthopedic doctor who prescribed minor physical therapy. It worked for a bit and then the pain got worse. In September of 2024, my regular doctor gave me another round of Cortizone shots so I could travel to Phoenix. It really helped. For a while. In February of 2025, the pain got worse. I went ...

January

January 10th was the 13th anniversary of my first stroke. After 18 days in the hospital (including my second massive stroke were I lost almost everything) we celebrated my son’s seventh birthday. I wanted to celebrate my son‘s birthday but I had no idea the sensory overload would cause. The flashing lights, the unbearable noise of the crowds and the music, and loud conversations caused me to panic. In the midst of my brain damaged confusion, I had to go to the bathroom. At that point I really didn’t know how to navigate the restaurant even though I had been there many times. I didn’t know the concept of letters and I didn’t know what “men” and “women” were on the doors. My little son gripped my hand and said, “Daddy… I will take you to the bathroom.” Stumbling through the crowded restaurant I was scared. My son guided me to the proper door and asked if I needed any more help. After I finished I came out and he grabbed my hand and took me back to the booth. In January this year, We cele...

Phantom Blindness and Taking a Break after Strokes

I met with my eye doctor last week about taking some time off from my vision therapy. I have been doing therapy since my stroke almost two and a half years ago. I am tired, and a need a break. My doctor said, “This is completely understandable. Take some time off.” At the appointment, my doctor tested my vision. Because of the strokes, my vision was affected, and I have a problem in my field of vision on the right side. I have a deficit with my right side peripheral vision. However, it is getting better. During the test, I told him that I “sense things on the right side of my peripheral vision.” It seems that I know that something is there, but I cannot really distinguish what it is. He told me that there is a body of thought describing phantom vision or phantom blindness. A Polish researcher, L. Bieganowski, described this phantom blindness this way: “The subject of the paper is the phenomenon of phantom vision. It occurs among the blind (or almost blind...

Dunham Family and My Stroke Story!

Search This Blog