Dunham Family and My Stroke Story!

World Stroke Day is observed on October 29. I didn’t really think about strokes until I had mine. My two strokes were caused by a torn carotid artery because of a genetic condition called fibromuscular dysplasia. The bottom line is 20% of my brain is dead and I have aphasia. I was 50 years old and in good health. This photo shows my brain scan. The white sections on my brain shows dead brain tissue. Here are some sobering strokes statistics: Stroke kills about 140,000 Americans each year--that’s 1 out of every 20 deaths. Someone in the United States has a stroke every 40 seconds.  Every 4 minutes, someone dies of stroke. Every year, more than 795,000 people in the United States have a stroke.  About 610,000 of these are first or new strokes. About 185,00 strokes--nearly 1 of 4--are in people who have had a previous stroke. About 87% of all strokes are ischemic strokes, in which blood flow to the brain is blocked. Stroke costs the United States an estimated $34 billion each yea...

Last weekend I was in Austin, Texas for a meeting. I’m on the Board of the Idaho Housing and Finance Association and this was a national meeting. During the trip to Austin, I was thinking of all the travel I used to do professionally. I was the CEO of the Idaho Association of Realtors®️, the lobbyist and a vice president at Boise State University, and the director of the Associated General Contractors in Idaho. With those jobs I also traveled throughout the state and the Northwest. That means from 1984 until January 10, 2012 I traveled extensively for work: Hundreds of flights, airports, conference rooms, and hotel rooms. One morning in Austin, I laid out my travel bag with items such as a razor and a toothbrush. I was struck about those ordinary items that are used to take for granted. In the hospital right after my massive stroke, my therapists patiently made me name those items. For toiletry items, I had to figure out how to use them. It was incredibly humbling and perp...

Yesterday, I chaired by weekly Aphasia Support Group. Always arrive early to make sure that room is set up. Before that, I scout topics about Aphasia, traumatic brain injury, strokes, etc. Every week, try to identify YouTube videos or articles so I can led the group for an hour. Internet is my friend.Getting ready on Wednesday, I "checked in" on Facebook to convey that I was feeling positive to see my fellow stroke and aphasia survivors. On my personal Facebook page I posted a picture of our meeting room plus a cartoon about brain fatigue. Every week, ask everybody "how have you been doing this week?" We all know each other. We understand our stories. We understand the unseen challenges every day that nobody knows about. When we were talking about brain fatigue, we all commented -- given that because of aphasia some of us cannot speak very well -- "it is real." One person commented that every minute of every day needs to have a conscious effort to deal wit...

Yesterday, I was completely wiped out. Physically and emotionally, I just needed a "time out!" My wife keeps reminding me that 20% of my brain is dead. "Cut yourself some slack," she admonishes me. My parents had a very strong work ethic, and we could never be "lazy." Even though I have brain damage, I still feel lazy if I’m not doing something productive. Childhood habits die hard. I saw my neurologist last week for my yearly check up. She’s always been concerned that I tried to do too much. I am trying to think about my "limits." I’ve been involved with some recent stressful issues. My son’s health is one thing. Also, I also am the chairman of the board for the College of Western Idaho. Chairing those meetings and strategizing about campaigns and personalities has been more stressful recently. In addition, yesterday was the sixth anniversary of my mother’s death. So basically I just crashed and burned. A massive headache ensued. I got very emot...

Every Wednesday, I attend the Idaho Aphasia, Apraxia, and Dysarthria Support Group which is basically a support group for stroke survivors. Today we shared our experiences like losing friendships after strokes.  It was an eye-opening session for me. All afternoon I’ve been thinking about real friendships.  My mom died almost 6 years ago. On her deathbed, she bluntly told me "Maybe your strokes were a blessing. You can feel sorry for yourself or you can make a difference. You have a choice to make." Every week I am blessed to gather with my fellow stroke warriors. I am so grateful for their strength.  Mom was right. Nevertheless, I did lose a lot of friends after my strokes. Many survivors tell the same story. Some fell away because they were so despondent about the "new me." I get it but it’s sad. Some so-called friends disappeared because I was not useful anymore. I didn’t have a political action committee perhaps?  Some friends were supportive. For a year or two. ...

"Cruel to Be Kind" is a 1979 single by Nick Lowe and it was a favorite song of mine in high school. The sentiments are pretty appropriate now. So many people believe that they have to be cruel to be kind to deal with the emotions my strokes and my son’s celiac disease. I have joined so many Facebook groups dealing with strokes, aphasia, and celiac disease. Those online support groups are incredibly helpful for me. With those three conditions our family has experienced, the common thread often is "It’s God‘s will" or "it will just take time to adjust." Though well-intentioned, often people say "I have to say this. I know it’s hard. But I have to be cruel to be kind let you know that need to just buck up and accept this new reality." Really? Today, a stroke survivor on Facebook lamented that her brother basically said, "We’re all tired of your shit. Just get over it and move on. We’ve moved on. I don’t think you realize how much your stroke ha...

When my son was diagnosed with celiac disease about a month ago, we have had ups and downs. He’s missed several days of school because of the illness. A couple of days ago, he sick and he missed his morning classes. We let him sleep in. I laid on the bed with him with his dog. I watched him for half hour in the dark. I stroked his brow. It was so peaceful. About a beautiful song recorded by Frank Sinatra. This lyric summed up my feelings that morning: "Quiet thoughts and quiet dreams, Quiet walks by quiet streams, And a window looking on the mountains and the sea, oh how lovely." It was lovely morning and I lovely memory my son.