Saturday, November 23, 2013

"Thor" and saying "I love you" to my son

Today, my son and I saw a movie, "Thor." My son and I have seen so many movies on the big screen since my stroke. This is our tradition. This is my recovery.

I love my son. Watching him grow his heaven to me. 

Sometimes I just watch him sleep. I watch The curve of his face. I watch the color of his brown hair that reminds me of my father's hair.

The best times for me, is on a Saturday morning. Though he's almost 9, he snuggles up to me. I stroke his hair. I look at his eyes seeing the same green as my wife's eyes. He has the same eyebrows as I had when I was a kid. He has subtle dimples. He has dark eyelashes that are long. 

Funny? He's incredibly funny. He is irreverent even though he doesn't know what that means. 

He dances around the house  in the morning and when he's getting ready for bed. I want him to keep dancing through his life.

I watch him so closely because I almost lost him because of my strokes. I concentrate so much so I can always remember him at every age.

If I have a headache, sometimes I wonder if another stroke will happen again and I think of my son. I want to watch him grow up.

So thing does happen to me, how can I ever explained to him how much I love him. There is no words to describe how I feel about my son.

A lot of my therapy is because of my son. Therapy is incredibly hard and sometimes painful. It's worth it.

When I watch a movie with him, I love that he laughs and giggles. Or when he raises his eyebrows. It's like a facial giggle! Or when he wants to make a point in a movie saying in a very serious way "Daddy. You know this is very real don't you?" Even when I know this is not real. I love that his mind is always exploring possibilities.

Every day I say I love you too my son. My dad wasn't comfortable saying I love you until when I was about 20. I decided to hug him and tell him that I loved often. I knew that he was uncomfortable with that, but he embraced hugging soon after my 20th birthday. He loved to hug!

When you have a life threatening health issue like a stroke, you do not take anything for granted. In a sense I am living on borrowed time and I will make the most of it. 

I love you Ethan. 



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