Dunham Family and My Stroke Story!

Yesterday, I chaired by weekly Aphasia Support Group. Always arrive early to make sure that room is set up. Before that, I scout topics about Aphasia, traumatic brain injury, strokes, etc. Every week, try to identify YouTube videos or articles so I can led the group for an hour. Internet is my friend.Getting ready on Wednesday, I "checked in" on Facebook to convey that I was feeling positive to see my fellow stroke and aphasia survivors. On my personal Facebook page I posted a picture of our meeting room plus a cartoon about brain fatigue. Every week, ask everybody "how have you been doing this week?" We all know each other. We understand our stories. We understand the unseen challenges every day that nobody knows about. When we were talking about brain fatigue, we all commented -- given that because of aphasia some of us cannot speak very well -- "it is real." One person commented that every minute of every day needs to have a conscious effort to deal wit

Yesterday, I was completely wiped out. Physically and emotionally, I just needed a "time out!" My wife keeps reminding me that 20% of my brain is dead. "Cut yourself some slack," she admonishes me. My parents had a very strong work ethic, and we could never be "lazy." Even though I have brain damage, I still feel lazy if I’m not doing something productive. Childhood habits die hard. I saw my neurologist last week for my yearly check up. She’s always been concerned that I tried to do too much. I am trying to think about my "limits." I’ve been involved with some recent stressful issues. My son’s health is one thing. Also, I also am the chairman of the board for the College of Western Idaho. Chairing those meetings and strategizing about campaigns and personalities has been more stressful recently. In addition, yesterday was the sixth anniversary of my mother’s death. So basically I just crashed and burned. A massive headache ensued. I got very emot

Every Wednesday, I attend the Idaho Aphasia, Apraxia, and Dysarthria Support Group which is basically a support group for stroke survivors. Today we shared our experiences like losing friendships after strokes.  It was an eye-opening session for me. All afternoon I’ve been thinking about real friendships.  My mom died almost 6 years ago. On her deathbed, she bluntly told me "Maybe your strokes were a blessing. You can feel sorry for yourself or you can make a difference. You have a choice to make." Every week I am blessed to gather with my fellow stroke warriors. I am so grateful for their strength.  Mom was right. Nevertheless, I did lose a lot of friends after my strokes. Many survivors tell the same story. Some fell away because they were so despondent about the "new me." I get it but it’s sad. Some so-called friends disappeared because I was not useful anymore. I didn’t have a political action committee perhaps?  Some friends were supportive. For a year or two.

"Cruel to Be Kind" is a 1979 single by Nick Lowe and it was a favorite song of mine in high school. The sentiments are pretty appropriate now. So many people believe that they have to be cruel to be kind to deal with the emotions my strokes and my son’s celiac disease. I have joined so many Facebook groups dealing with strokes, aphasia, and celiac disease. Those online support groups are incredibly helpful for me. With those three conditions our family has experienced, the common thread often is "It’s God‘s will" or "it will just take time to adjust." Though well-intentioned, often people say "I have to say this. I know it’s hard. But I have to be cruel to be kind let you know that need to just buck up and accept this new reality." Really? Today, a stroke survivor on Facebook lamented that her brother basically said, "We’re all tired of your shit. Just get over it and move on. We’ve moved on. I don’t think you realize how much your stroke ha

When my son was diagnosed with celiac disease about a month ago, we have had ups and downs. He’s missed several days of school because of the illness. A couple of days ago, he sick and he missed his morning classes. We let him sleep in. I laid on the bed with him with his dog. I watched him for half hour in the dark. I stroked his brow. It was so peaceful. About a beautiful song recorded by Frank Sinatra. This lyric summed up my feelings that morning: "Quiet thoughts and quiet dreams, Quiet walks by quiet streams, And a window looking on the mountains and the sea, oh how lovely." It was lovely morning and I lovely memory my son.     

6 1/2 years since my strokes, I am dealing with a new challenge involving my son. Recently he was diagnosed with celiac disease. Dealing with the aftermath of my strokes was challenging physically and emotionally. Yet, this diagnosis is heartbreaking. Certainly, it is not fatal and will be controlled by a life long diet. Nevertheless, I am struggling to keep it together. I’ve always been a strong person. Despite my strokes and my brain damage, I try to continue to lead a normal life. Since the diagnosis of my son’s celiac disease, I’m struggling to find answers about the effect of my strokes and my son’s diagnosis. With my strokes and my Aphasia, meaningful communication is difficult. How can I find words to comfort my son? How can I find the words to help him deal with his 13-year-old emotions. I cannot even help with his homework. Research shown that personality changes are common after a stroke. Despite my best efforts I "fake it" a lot. Honestly, every d

Recently, our son was diagnosed with celiac disease. Here is the textbook definition: "Celiac disease is a serious autoimmune disorder that can occur in genetically predisposed people where the ingestion of gluten leads to damage in the small intestine. It is estimated to affect 1 in 100 people worldwide. Two and one-half million Americans are undiagnosed and are at risk for long-term health complications." "When people with celiac disease eat gluten (a protein found in wheat, rye and barley), their body mounts an immune response that attacks the small intestine. These attacks lead to damage on the villi, small fingerlike projections that line the small intestine, that promote nutrient absorption. When the villi get damaged, nutrients cannot be absorbed properly into the body." Bottom line for victims like my son? These are the things that can happen:  • Anemia, usually resulting from iron deficiency  • Loss of bone density (osteoporosis) or soften