Skip to main content

Fake friends?


Every Wednesday, I attend the Idaho Aphasia, Apraxia, and Dysarthria Support Group which is basically a support group for stroke survivors.

Today we shared our experiences like losing friendships after strokes. 

It was an eye-opening session for me. All afternoon I’ve been thinking about real friendships. 

My mom died almost 6 years ago. On her deathbed, she bluntly told me "Maybe your strokes were a blessing. You can feel sorry for yourself or you can make a difference. You have a choice to make."

Every week I am blessed to gather with my fellow stroke warriors. I am so grateful for their strength. 

Mom was right.


Nevertheless, I did lose a lot of friends after my strokes. Many survivors tell the same story.

Some fell away because they were so despondent about the "new me." I get it but it’s sad.

Some so-called friends disappeared because I was not useful anymore. I didn’t have a political action committee perhaps? 

Some friends were supportive. For a year or two. But this is a lifetime sentence.

Some call to "catch up" and then I realize they need something. A little political insight? Background information on a business issue? 

But I do have real true unwavering friendships that I cherish.

I love those friends and family. Thank you. You know who you are.

A couple of years ago, I deleted at least 600 " "friends and followers" from Facebook and Twitter. I was subjected to bullying trolls mainly for political reasons.

After today’s session, I really thought about the value of real friendships. 

When you almost die or when your son gets illness, I have decided I’m not gonna waste my time dealing with toxic people, fake friendships and users. The purge will continue.

For my fellow stroke warriors, this article is for you:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201603/8-signs-toxic-friendship

Comments

Rebecca Dutton said…
Getting rid of toxic people is good advice for everyone. Having a stroke taught me I cannot afford to waste my precious time and energy on drama.

Popular posts from this blog

What is wrong with us! A lot: Aphasia, Apraxia, and Dysarthria

This morning, from 10:30 to Noon, at St. Lukes in Meridian Idaho, I participated in the “Aphasia, Apraxia, and Dysarthria Support Group” started a year ago through Idaho State University. We meet weekly.  So, what is wrong with us? Aphasia is the name given to a collection of language disorders caused by damage to the brain. A requirement for a diagnosis of aphasia is that, prior to the illness or injury, the person's language skills were normal. The difficulties of people with aphasia can range from occasional trouble finding words to losing the ability to speak, read, or write, but does not affect intelligence. This also affects visual language such as sign language . The term "aphasia" implies a problem with one or more functions that are essential and specific to language function. It is not usually used when the language problem is a result of a more peripheral motor or sensory difficulty, such as paralysis affecting the speech muscles or a general hear...

Phantom Blindness and Taking a Break after Strokes

I met with my eye doctor last week about taking some time off from my vision therapy. I have been doing therapy since my stroke almost two and a half years ago. I am tired, and a need a break. My doctor said, “This is completely understandable. Take some time off.” At the appointment, my doctor tested my vision. Because of the strokes, my vision was affected, and I have a problem in my field of vision on the right side. I have a deficit with my right side peripheral vision. However, it is getting better. During the test, I told him that I “sense things on the right side of my peripheral vision.” It seems that I know that something is there, but I cannot really distinguish what it is. He told me that there is a body of thought describing phantom vision or phantom blindness. A Polish researcher, L. Bieganowski, described this phantom blindness this way:    “The subject of the paper is the phenomenon of phantom vision. It occurs among the blind (or almost blind...

Anonymous Blogsphere and my strokes!

It is hard to believe that my strokes happened almost two and a half years ago. Sometimes, it is a distant reality. However, most of the time, this is a vivid and startling reality even now. When I wake up in the morning, I have to realize that this is NOT a dream. So, how am I doing? It depends. I continue to be grateful for my recovery. Every day, I know that it could have been so much worse. On the other hand, I still have invisible deficits. I participate in many stroke support groups because, until you have a stroke, no one can really understand the ramifications of strokes, recovery, and deficits. The National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute have insightful information about “Life After a Stroke.” Their website is http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/stroke/lifeafter.html The intro says “ The time it takes to recover from a stroke varies—it can take weeks, months, or even years. Some people recover fully, while others have long-term or lifelong...