Skip to main content

Four years since my strokes!

Four years ago today, I suffered an ischemic stroke. In the hospital, three days later, I had a massive stroke. I lost a lot. As I have said many times, “I miss ME.”  Nevertheless, I count my blessings every single day. I could have died.

So, what I have learned during the four years of loss and recovery?

I am incredibly happy and blessed!

Other things:

“COMMUNICATION:” It was just a word before. But, when your degree is Communication and you make your living communicating, it is doubly devastating when you cannot talk, read, write, and understand even your own name. I just wanted to say my son’s name back to him. Today, though speaking is difficult, I am blessed to share my story making speeches about stroke and possibilities.   

“PATIENCE:” I was never patient. However, my body and my brain are recovering slowly. Hurry up already!

“MATH:” I cannot “do” math at all.  I can read financials but I cannot “calculate.” One of my therapists said, “Math is overrated.” And so it is.

“READING:” I miss reading. A lot! I can read again because years of “reading therapy,”. But, I do not enjoy it. Words used to flow in my mind to the pages. Now, I need to concentrate on every word. On the other hand, “listening” to a book is OK.

“PODCASTS:” have been a salvation for me. I listen to everything imaginable.    

“THERAPY:” I have “done” physical, occupational, speech, vision, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, and more. Years of therapy. Hundreds of hours! Thousands of hours on my own trying to be “back to normal.” Nonetheless, I have brain damage. But the brain is fascinating. The 80% of my brain that was not damaged is slowly developing neuro-pathways to accommodate my new brain possibilities.   

“MIASMA!” The term I use when I think about insurance, disability, social security, income, and the rest. Do you know that the average insurance policy covers 20 hours of rehabilitation? It does not matter what part of your body that is injured: 20 deplorable hours. “Injured knee? 20 hours of physical therapy. Here’s your bill!” A massive stroke where 20% of your brain is dead and you need years of therapy? “20 hours! And, do not let the hospital door hits you in your disabled ass when you leave because the insurance company wants you GONE!”     

“FRIENDS!” I have the greatest friends! I knew that before my strokes. However, people throughout the nation helped my family during those dark hours when I wept about everything including how to pay for therapy. My friends did everything. Grateful beyond words. Thank you all.

“NEW FRIENDSHIPS:” Through support groups, the “brain attack” network has given me an outlet to cry, laugh, learn, and just “be me.” So thankful for my follow stroke, aphasia, apraxia, etc. survivors. I am grateful to be on this voyage with you.

“FAMILY!” In one instant, my wife took care of everything. And she still does. She never let me give up hope. My brothers have been my rock throughout this unexpected journey. My extended family has supported me in so many ways including not overprotecting me. And our son. What can I say about Ethan, the little boy who on his 7th birthday helped me to the restroom when I was scared go alone the first night when I came home from the hospital? He had to grow up too soon, but he is such a great young man. Almost 11, he inspires me every day.  I love you Ethan!   

“DELIBERATE:” Every single day is hard. Simple things that I used to take for granted are challenging. Using a knife, using a pen, figuring a tip, applying toothpaste, writing a birthday card to my son, driving, etc. Typing this update will take me hours and leave me with headaches. Everything has to be very deliberate. And, I will make so many mistakes. However, now I let it go.  

“PRAYER!” When the second stroke happened, I could not reach the call button to cry out for the nurse. For two reasons: I was paralyzed so physically, I could not reach the button! Second, I lost my ability to speak in one instant. I could not yell! During that hour before the discovered me, I prayed for me. I prayed for my son. I prayed my wife. I prayed for my brothers. I prayed for Mom and my stepdad Karl. I actually prayed for death if I could not recover. But, my Dad, who had been dead almost 20 years, kept telling me “You will be fine. You cannot give up.” Since my strokes, so many people have told me that they prayed for me. I am eternally grateful for their prayers.    

“LOSS!” 2012 was the worst year. Ever. My two strokes in January. My stepdad’s failing health. My Mom, my rock, succumbing to ovarian cancer.  And then, my beloved parents dying 13 days apart in September. My wonderful Uncle Roy dying of a heart attack. I lost my career. I lost my identity. “Please! Just get the year over with!”

“HOPE!” Despite it all, I think my strokes were a blessing. I was so obsessed and driven to “succeed” I lost track of what “success” really means.

“Family. Friends. Helping others. Having meaning in your life.”  That is it.

And I do. 

Comments

Unknown said…
WOW. You and your amazing wife inspire me more than words can express. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Julie and Jerry Giese said…
We did not see this sooner, because we have been consumed every minute with getting and trying to get therapy and rehabilitation for my husband Jerry. He had a massive right brain stroke on Sept. 15, 2015 and we are at the end of our insurance payments. We would love to hear more about how you faced these nearly insurmountable odds to come as far as you have!
Unknown said…
Great that I came across this post. I am also thinking to try acupuncture treatment for my sinus but wasn’t sure if it would work. I am thinking to go to a local acupuncturist Mississauga to know what he feels about my problem.

Popular posts from this blog

Same as it ever was

When I had my two strokes more than 13 years ago, I was 50 years old. In the ensuing years I’ve had some health issues related to my strokes and other assorted “age related” things. In May of 2023, I was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis. As a result I have endured two years of pain and the resulting lack of exercise. That summer I tried to walk regularly but my heel pain was too extreme. I tried to do exercises to relieve the pain but nothing helped. In September of 2023 I asked my doctor to give me a shot of Cortizone. We were headed to Boston for meetings and then headed to Maine. I just wanted to enjoy the trip without pain. It helped a lot. Six months later I had the same pain. I went to an orthopedic doctor who prescribed minor physical therapy. It worked for a bit and then the pain got worse. In September of 2024, my regular doctor gave me another round of Cortizone shots so I could travel to Phoenix. It really helped. For a while. In February of 2025, the pain got worse. I went ...

January

January 10th was the 13th anniversary of my first stroke. After 18 days in the hospital (including my second massive stroke were I lost almost everything) we celebrated my son’s seventh birthday. I wanted to celebrate my son‘s birthday but I had no idea the sensory overload would cause. The flashing lights, the unbearable noise of the crowds and the music, and loud conversations caused me to panic. In the midst of my brain damaged confusion, I had to go to the bathroom. At that point I really didn’t know how to navigate the restaurant even though I had been there many times. I didn’t know the concept of letters and I didn’t know what “men” and “women” were on the doors. My little son gripped my hand and said, “Daddy… I will take you to the bathroom.” Stumbling through the crowded restaurant I was scared. My son guided me to the proper door and asked if I needed any more help. After I finished I came out and he grabbed my hand and took me back to the booth. In January this year, We cele...

Brain damage and social media

Recently I deactivated my Facebook account. I needed a time out to consider my options. There are so much vitriol in the political world and often it is spread by Donald Trump, MAGA, and Fox News. I understand that everybody has a different opinion. Even though I have been a Republican for decades, I cannot support nor understand Trump and his policies.  The reason I paused Facebook was for two instances where relatives of mine dismissed my concerns. I was disgusted when Trump pardoned all of the January 6th rioters. It was unconscionable for him to pardon people who assaulted and beat police officers. It’s ironic that the law and order party had no problems allowing police officers to be assaulted and beaten. Yet one of my relatives said that it was a peaceful protest and they should never have gone to jail. Another relative said that January 6 was staged like a Hollywood production. I was absolutely flabbergasted. Disgusting perspective.  In the midst of the confirmation bat...