Since my strokes seven years ago, I have become more in tune with my my mind, brain and my physical body.I think a lot about my limits. Often, when there’s too much stimulation I have to retreat into a dark room to regain my strength and my spirit.
It seems that has happened more often than not lately. Perhaps I’m more aware of the concept emotional flooding.
Yet is a very real thing for me.
Sometimes, I feel like my old self again. However, reality snaps me back and I realize that despite my best efforts I am simply less that I want to be.
On January 21st, I attended several sessions at the Idaho State Capitol building. I was feeling happy and secure. I joked with old friends laughed about old lobbying war stories. It was a full day from 7:30 AM to 4 PM.
When I was leaving the statehouse and driving home, a woman pulled out of her parking spot and hit me.
I was startled and nervous. I called the police. The police man asked me what happened, I was literally at a loss for words because of my aphasia.
The exhaustion of the day plus the collision made me stumble for words, directions and descriptions.
I felt so secure in my communication skills that I was aghast trying to describe my aphasia to the policeman. The police officer was very kind and helped me fill in the blanks in my misspoken words.
Ultimately, he was going to cite the other driver. I was incredibly relieved until the other driver argued.
That point he decided not to cite her and "let the insurance companies battle it out." I felt defeated.
The agony continued for a week as I had to describe the incident for insurance adjusters over and over. My communication issues were self evident to me and I explained aphasia to them.
Three weeks later, my car has been repaired after $3600. Nevertheless, I still don’t know if the other drivers insurance will cover my damages.
I cannot help feeling that my aphasia has been an issue. Perhaps I was not clear enough? When I said I "turned north and then turn right" was that correct or not? They taped the conversations and insurance companies might believe her version mainly because I have communication issues.
So in three weeks, I’ve often sat in this dark silent room ruminating about my mental pain, my constant headaches, and insurance coverage.
Beyond all of that, I was so happy with my stroke recovery of seven years, minor fender-bender has set me back.
I second-guess myself more often now. Not just driving routes even every day tasks and cognitive thinking.
I’ll just stay in my dark room for a while.
Comments