Skip to main content

How much can my son handle?



My son is 14 years old. He was six years old when my two strokes happened. I got out of the hospital on his seventh birthday.

His whole childhood has been colored with strokes and the possibility of "Dad having another one."

Dealing with teenage angst and emotions is bad enough in general. But I’m always concerned that my strokes have had a profound and negative impact on my son’s life.

I read an article recently that made me think about my son and the impact of my strokes in his life.

Here’s an excerpt:

Indicators that children may be experiencing difficulties

Indicators that children may be experiencing difficulties coping with their parent’s illness may include:

  •   incomplete homework
  •   poor concentration in class
  •   a decrease in academic performance
  •   messy schoolwork
  •   unkempt appearance
  •   tiredness
  •   irritability
  •   being withdrawn, tearful or aggressive
  •   an increase in absences from school
  •   an increase in somatic complaints, including stomachaches and headaches
  •   disengagement from peers or changes in friendships
  •   over-willingness to please
  •   over-helpfulness
  •   perfectionism.



These changes in behavior tend to coincide with a change in the parent’s health, such as during and following a period of
hospitalization. However, many children who are suffering from anxiety in relation to their parent’s illness may not present with obvious or dramatic symptoms. For some children, school is a safe place and they are able to ‘tune out’ from the demands of the parent’s illness and focus on participating in school and enjoying time with their friends.

Our son is a great kid. But he had grown up way too fast. And now with a diagnosis of his celiac disease, I worry that his stress level is too much to handle.

When I have a headache like today and I need to be in a darkened room, this is his reality as well. When I can’t help with his homework, I feel like a failure. When my son is silent, should I be worried? Is this the normal Father/Son dynamic?

There are no manuals about "Dad is chronically ill so what should I do now?" So many unknowns.




Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Same as it ever was

When I had my two strokes more than 13 years ago, I was 50 years old. In the ensuing years I’ve had some health issues related to my strokes and other assorted “age related” things. In May of 2023, I was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis. As a result I have endured two years of pain and the resulting lack of exercise. That summer I tried to walk regularly but my heel pain was too extreme. I tried to do exercises to relieve the pain but nothing helped. In September of 2023 I asked my doctor to give me a shot of Cortizone. We were headed to Boston for meetings and then headed to Maine. I just wanted to enjoy the trip without pain. It helped a lot. Six months later I had the same pain. I went to an orthopedic doctor who prescribed minor physical therapy. It worked for a bit and then the pain got worse. In September of 2024, my regular doctor gave me another round of Cortizone shots so I could travel to Phoenix. It really helped. For a while. In February of 2025, the pain got worse. I went ...
Post a Comment
Read more

January

January 10th was the 13th anniversary of my first stroke. After 18 days in the hospital (including my second massive stroke were I lost almost everything) we celebrated my son’s seventh birthday. I wanted to celebrate my son‘s birthday but I had no idea the sensory overload would cause. The flashing lights, the unbearable noise of the crowds and the music, and loud conversations caused me to panic. In the midst of my brain damaged confusion, I had to go to the bathroom. At that point I really didn’t know how to navigate the restaurant even though I had been there many times. I didn’t know the concept of letters and I didn’t know what “men” and “women” were on the doors. My little son gripped my hand and said, “Daddy… I will take you to the bathroom.” Stumbling through the crowded restaurant I was scared. My son guided me to the proper door and asked if I needed any more help. After I finished I came out and he grabbed my hand and took me back to the booth. In January this year, We cele...
Post a Comment
Read more

Brain damage and social media

Recently I deactivated my Facebook account. I needed a time out to consider my options. There are so much vitriol in the political world and often it is spread by Donald Trump, MAGA, and Fox News. I understand that everybody has a different opinion. Even though I have been a Republican for decades, I cannot support nor understand Trump and his policies.  The reason I paused Facebook was for two instances where relatives of mine dismissed my concerns. I was disgusted when Trump pardoned all of the January 6th rioters. It was unconscionable for him to pardon people who assaulted and beat police officers. It’s ironic that the law and order party had no problems allowing police officers to be assaulted and beaten. Yet one of my relatives said that it was a peaceful protest and they should never have gone to jail. Another relative said that January 6 was staged like a Hollywood production. I was absolutely flabbergasted. Disgusting perspective.  In the midst of the confirmation bat...
Post a Comment
Read more