How much can my son handle?

My son is 14 years old. He was six years old when my two strokes happened. I got out of the hospital on his seventh birthday.

His whole childhood has been colored with strokes and the possibility of "Dad having another one."

Dealing with teenage angst and emotions is bad enough in general. But I’m always concerned that my strokes have had a profound and negative impact on my son’s life.

I read an article recently that made me think about my son and the impact of my strokes in his life.

Here’s an excerpt:

Indicators that children may be experiencing difficulties

Indicators that children may be experiencing difficulties coping with their parent’s illness may include:

incomplete homework

poor concentration in class

a decrease in academic performance

messy schoolwork

unkempt appearance

tiredness

irritability

being withdrawn, tearful or aggressive

an increase in absences from school

an increase in somatic complaints, including stomachaches and headaches

disengagement from peers or changes in friendships

over-willingness to please

over-helpfulness

perfectionism.

These changes in behavior tend to coincide with a change in the parent’s health, such as during and following a period of

hospitalization. However, many children who are suffering from anxiety in relation to their parent’s illness may not present with obvious or dramatic symptoms. For some children, school is a safe place and they are able to ‘tune out’ from the demands of the parent’s illness and focus on participating in school and enjoying time with their friends.

Our son is a great kid. But he had grown up way too fast. And now with a diagnosis of his celiac disease, I worry that his stress level is too much to handle.

When I have a headache like today and I need to be in a darkened room, this is his reality as well. When I can’t help with his homework, I feel like a failure. When my son is silent, should I be worried? Is this the normal Father/Son dynamic?

There are no manuals about "Dad is chronically ill so what should I do now?" So many unknowns.

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