In the midst of this bizarre pandemic, in my little world,
this situation is “just inconvenient.” I prepared for social isolation 8 years
ago when I had my strokes in January of 2012. Stroke survivors are champions of social distancing before it was a "thing!"
That month I lost my ability to communicate, my job, my security, and what I thought was my identity. Despite my strength, the strokes did not prepare me for the catastrophic social isolation that ensued.
For the first year of my recovery, the isolation was overwhelming in several ways. Because of my aphasia, I could not communicate. The loss of literal of my voice was horrifying. I could not talk at all. Even now, 8 years later, my “speaking” is hesitant and slower. Later in the day, I miss words and get confused. Everything is very deliberate.
Aphasia is not just the loss of “talking.” For me, it is the
loss of reading, handwriting, and some aspects of math. Today as I type this blog post, I am “speaking” the words as I type. My ability to express myself in this simple way is lifeline for me.
However, my biggest adjustment was the social isolation of personal and professional friendships. I was always a “people person.” I loved to laugh. I relished making speeches, presentations, and testifying at the legislature which was my job for over 30 years.
The old adage “you do not know who your friends are until…” hit my like a ton of bricks. I was a pretty high profile and admittedly powerful lobbyist “before.” When you do not have an influential political action committee behind you, “friends” drop you.
The social isolation continues when people realize that I am
not “completely recovered.” I am lucky in some respects because I do not show
any outward signs of my strokes. There is no paralysis though my right are gets
weak when I tired. However, I will always have my “invisible brain scars” because
20% of my brain is dead. As a result, many friends were so sad about losing the
“happy fun Mark,” they subtlety drifted away. Nevertheless, my social isolation was 80% my fault. I did not reach out because I did not want sympathy. I did not want people to question my “disability because you like fine.” Those are my choices. I like to be alone now. I also enjoy the opportunity to be with my family more than I would have. Before my strokes, I was missing my son’s childhood.
Before this pandemic, I was not completely isolated. I am still on the Board of the College of Western Idaho. Governor Butch Otter appointed me to be on the Board of the Idaho Housing and Finance Association. I am two related housing boards as well. I have rejoined the Idaho chapter of the American Heart and Stroke Association. I am on a board for St. Luke’s hospital.
My proudest achievement is the Idaho Aphasia, Apraxia, and Dysarthria. I cofounded
this support group. I chaired the weekly meetings before the pandemic. I also
started the group’s Facebook and Twitter presence. Survivors of Aphasia, Apraxia, and Dysarthria are the champions of social distancing. We have been practicing for years! Too many people, loud noises, distractions, and stimulations are difficult with these conditions. Solitary walks and activities are the norms.
When the pandemic is over, other people will go back to the old habits. I hope that people will reflect on this situation. People need to contemplate what is really important in life. Social distancing was a shocker for people who took their jobs, kids, parents, friends, neighbors, grocery cashiers, barbers, wait staffs, etc. for granted.
I do not take those little things for granted. I used to take social situations for granted. I do not anymore. When social distancing is over, I hope people will remember the lessons learned when the whole world simply had to stop.
Comments