It is common to lose some relationships after a stroke. Some
friends cannot deal with the “new” friend. Some friends are there in the beginning,
yet life goes on. The old adage “out of sight and out of mind” is pretty
relevant.
For the survivor, recovery is every day. For friends, they
need to move on. For a survivor, sometimes a sense of paranoia sets in. Especially when friends do not contact a survivor
for weeks at a time. Is it because I am different? Is it because my “new me” is
uncomfortable to the “friend?”
Five years after my strokes, I seem to be dwelling on what I
perceive to be the loss of friendships. Is
it me or is it their lives?
I was the organizer of my social group for years. I was the
one who would say “Let’s have dinner” or “see a movie” or “let’s have a BBQ.”
Since my strokes, the sense of isolation is more palpable than ever.
I did a little experiment. I have some really close friends
who I decided not to contact until they reached out to me. Some of those friends
were so close before my strokes. After strokes, they were “there” but different
which is common. They certainly were there after the strokes, but five years
later? Not sure.
My experiment was NOT to contact them via text, calls, or
emails. I do understand they might have a perception that they do not want to
bother me. However, some of these key friends would know better.
Therefore, I did not contact them. No political or friend “things.”
No “how have you been doing?”
The result of my almost 6 month experiment? Nothing. Even for a work issue, nothing.
Like I wrote, in the old days before my strokes, I am the social
director. Today, I do not have the energy and the mental and physical capacity
to be the one to initiate common courtesy. I am tired of being the "one."
For some of those “friends,” they are on my “Favorite” list
on my iPhone. It was for emergency but also they were some of my “favorite
friends.”
The other night, I simply wanted to have a beer with a
buddy. On Saturday, I wanted to have a burger and laugh with friends.
I had no one to call.
A neighbor had a party recently. We were not invited until
it was obvious that we were outside doing yard work. Sheepish apologies ensued.
It is not just me. My wife has the misfortune to be married to
me.
Stroke is NOT contagious.
Is my victim hood? I am too paranoid? Losing friends after strokes is common. Here is an article about this issue: http://www.strokenetwork.org/newsletter/articles/friends.htm
I do not know.
Nevertheless, I am lonely. So. What do I do now? I do not know. My “favorite” list is diminishing
in many ways.
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