Skip to main content

"How are YOU doin'!"


When people ask "how are you doing," the polite thing to say is "I am doing great!"

For my step grandmother, we learned never to ask because she would tell EVERYTHING that was wrong with her health not for just her but everyone.

When I had a stroke, the platitudes were more pronounced! Everyone was so concerned. It was gratifying. I have so many friends, and the generosity was so humbling to me.

10 months later, everyone is moving forward with their lives like me. But, just as everyone moves forward with their own lives, I do not think that a lot of people know about my reality. I don't know what their lives entail anymore. When I was working and very active, I knew a lot about their lives, kids, work, etc.

Now that I am "home," I don't get around anymore!

That is understandable. My mother-in-law told me that, when her husband died, there was so much activity. Then, days, and then months, and years slipped away. Do people know really what she thinks, dreams, and fears?

My uncle died last week. My uncle and aunt were married for at least 56 years, and, like my mother-in-law, my aunt now has a sad reality check. Granted, we love loved ones, but they go on with their lives, what is left for them?

I think about this often. Not just because of my relatives, because of me. Do my friends really know about my life? One of my friends helped me with my homework soon after I released from the hospital. One friend. That's it.

My wife and my brothers have been so great asking and participating. I am so grateful for them.

But, the others? No one knows anything about my therapy other than "I have some." No one knows about how hard it is. No one knows what I do every day. No one knows about my fears and dreams and hopes. Some friends call often. Some do not...even close friends.

On the off chance I see people, they often slap me on the back, and say "you are doing GREAT." But they don't know. I have had great success. I have a lot of honors. But, in the dark when I should be sleeping, I wonder what my future holds. Go back to what I did before even though I cannot do some work like before? Will I venture to a new adventures and work?  Will my friends be the same?  I don't know.

My wife is a great reality check for me. When I feel so sorry for myself, she says "have you thought about this or that." That helps a lot.

But, just like a widow, I am isolated in my grief about what I was before.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Two Faces of the American Dream

The massive wave of Norwegian immigration to Minnesota from the 1850s through the early 20th century wasn't a casual choice; it was an escape from crushing land scarcity and economic desperation.  My ancestors, the Dunhams, arrived in 1851 and built a life in Otter Tail County in Minnesota. My great-great-grandfather, Jens Christian Dunham, didn’t just survive—he thrived. He served in the Minnesota legislature as a Republican from 1888 to 1890 and later became a staunch advocate for President Teddy Roosevelt. He was the literal embodiment of the American Dream: an immigrant who fled poverty to become a lawmaker in his new home. Fast forward a century, and a new wave of immigrants—this time from Somalia—is following that exact same blueprint. Like the Norwegians before them, they fled hardship to build a future in Minnesota, and many have run for office to serve the state that welcomed them. Yet, the political rhetoric surrounding these two groups couldn't be more polarized. Don...
Post a Comment
Read more

Phantom Blindness and Taking a Break after Strokes

I met with my eye doctor last week about taking some time off from my vision therapy. I have been doing therapy since my stroke almost two and a half years ago. I am tired, and a need a break. My doctor said, “This is completely understandable. Take some time off.” At the appointment, my doctor tested my vision. Because of the strokes, my vision was affected, and I have a problem in my field of vision on the right side. I have a deficit with my right side peripheral vision. However, it is getting better. During the test, I told him that I “sense things on the right side of my peripheral vision.” It seems that I know that something is there, but I cannot really distinguish what it is. He told me that there is a body of thought describing phantom vision or phantom blindness. A Polish researcher, L. Bieganowski, described this phantom blindness this way:    “The subject of the paper is the phenomenon of phantom vision. It occurs among the blind (or almost blind...
Post a Comment
Read more

Greek orthodox and Catholic‘s

Being a history buff, I’ve always understood that the Catholic Church was split in about 1000 A.D. Our Greek tour guide mentioned the differences a little bit yesterday, but she did not capture the full history. Today I saw a small Greek orthodox by the roadside and I’m going to insert about the history. Eastern Orthodox Catholics and Roman Catholics are the result of what is known as the East-West Schism (or Great Schism) of 1054, when medieval Christianity split into two branches. The Byzantine split with Roman Catholicism came about when Pope Leo III crowned Charlemagne, King of the Franks, as Holy Roman Emperor in 800. From the Byzantine viewpoint, this was a slap to the Eastern Emperor and the Byzantine Empire itself — an empire that had withstood barbarian invasions and upheld the faith for centuries. After Rome fell in 476, Byzantium was the only vestige of the Holy Roman Empire. Charlemagne’s crowning made the Byzantine Emperor redundant, and relations between the East and...
1 comment
Read more