Language is key for me. I love to write and read. It is fundamental for my soul. I cannot imagine my life without communication, words, reading the great books and thoughts. But one of the most devastating things about my stroke is the loss of my inner voice that is my “thought.”
I used to read so fast. I used write to fast.
It is ironic that my “voice” is stilled because of my stroke. I was great in math, art, etc. School was really easy for me. I cannot do a lot of things like I used, but, really, who cares about math!
I do care about reading and writing. It is the essence of my being.
And, I thought it would kill me even if I recovered from my stroke.
It is getting better. The fact that I am blogging again is the testament that I am recovering. I must be patient. I want to read and write right NOW! But, my body is a mystery to me, and I must wait and let nature take its course.
Last night, I noticed my cupboard door in my bathroom. I actually forgot that I practiced different words. What words you might ask?
A word, such as a preposition, a conjunction, or an article, that has little semantic content of its own and chiefly indicates a grammatical relationship. Also called form word, functor. Here are some examples of functors in English:
Demonstratives such as this and that or
Conjunctions such as and, or, and but or
Conjunctions such as and, or, and but."
On way to say these are prepositions or “connector words.” It is common that stroke patients have big trouble saying these words. Actually, I make a lot mistakes because of these word, and assume my blog posts are riddled with these functor words. I cannot help myself it seems!
My wife did so much to help my recovery. Throughout our house, she put lists of my trouble words everywhere. We started with “time” words. I had no clue about things like “tomorrow, today, yesterday, and the weekend.” It wasn’t just the words, I could not comprehend their meaning. I suppose that given that I wasn’t thinking about time, space, matter, and even my future.
So, when I discovered last night, I reminded myself that I have come a long way. I am proud of myself – and Heather!
It is also ironic that the other part of the door says something “We love you Daddy.” The name “Daddy” is something I focused on over and over as I have been recovering. Ethan says “I love you Daddy.” I love you too Ethan Stanford Dunham. I am getting stronger every day because I want to be daddy for Ethan.
But, I still have some functor words that give me grief. I could use a profane word similar to “functor” to describe my stroke but I digress.