Dunham Family and My Stroke Story!

Today I drove to Barnes and Noble bookstore. Before my strokes and my aphasia, reading was my hobby and my therapy.  Despite two years of vision therapy reading is still difficult for me. I used to read three or four books at a time.  Today, I wandered through the aisles and became more progressively depressed.   I left the store and I took a picture of me outside looking into the store. That is how I feel. My wife reminded me that at least I could drive to the store alone. She stressed that I am much better off than many survivors. That is true. But I’m still sad. Libraries and bookstores were a huge refuge to me. I could escape into a book and leave my reality behind. My reality is missing books. Almost 8 years. 

For several months, I have been updating our upstairs with new carpet and paint. It seems simple really. For my “DYI” projects, we have new carpet in two bedrooms plus new paint in three rooms and an upper hallway. Those jobs took days! In addition, also helped a couple of relatives repair some carpet issues. Those “simple jobs” took several hours. In the “old days” that would have been simple. In high school and college, I installed carpet for a living. With my older brothers who owned a residential construction firm, I learned a lot such as painting and finish work. Those skills served me well throughout when I flipped house as a hobby. I still have the tools and the skills. However, because of my strokes and aphasia, updating carpet and paint tested my brain and stamina.   For example, measuring carpet used to be easy. When my brothers would build a house, I would install the carpet. Carpet rolls are usually 12 feet by whatever we need. I would get a huge roll of carpet,

Recently, I was told about two wonderful people I know who are experiencing some tough times. I know that I document my life through my blog. I also think that my blog is often complaining about my situation. Originally, my blog was intended to keep a “digital diary” about my son. Obviously my blog transitioned from my son’s life to my stroke story. That is pretty selfish. Thinking about my friends who are dealing with some devastating news, my wife and I have said that we are so lucky! Despite robbery, strokes, diseases, etc. we consider that we have a great life. It is so rough when friends and relatives are dealing with really bad “stuff” because we feel so helpless. The adage “thoughts and prayers” just does not cut it.      

Recently, I had the opportunity to participate in a research project on aphasia. It was fascinating and exhausting. The three and a half hour session tested many cognitive functions. At the outset of the testing, the researcher asked about my strokes. I mentioned that on January 10, 2012, I experienced a carotid dissection. During that awful day, the doctors determined that I have a rare disease called “fibromuscular dysplasia.” Three days later, I had a massive carotid dissection which left me with aphasia and other assorted issues. 20% of my brain died. The research team asked me of there has been any family history of strokes. Thinking of the fibromuscular dysplasia diagnosis, I replied “no.” However, in retrospect, my maternal grandmother did die of a cerebral hemorrhage. I did not really know my mother’s real mom. My mother found the identity of her biological mother when my mom was 22 years old.   That relationship was not a “Brady Bunch” situation, the contact was limited

World Stroke Day is observed on October 29. I didn’t really think about strokes until I had mine. My two strokes were caused by a carotid dissection because of a genetic condition called fibromuscular dysplasia. As a result I have conditions called aphasia and apraxia. I am plagued with routine throbbing headaches, mental and physical exhaustion and “brain fog” when I do too much. The bottom line is 20% of my brain is dead. I was 50 years old and in good health. This photo shows my brain scan. The white sections on my brain shows dead brain tissue. But I really want to stress one of the lucky ones.  I am leading a productive and happy life despite it all.  Here are some sobering strokes statistics: Stroke kills about 140,000 Americans each year—that’s 1 out of every 20 deaths. Someone in the United States has a stroke every 40 seconds.  Every 4 minutes, someone dies of stroke. Every year, more than 795,000 people in the United States have a st

Today was my annual check up with my neurologist. My strokes were more than seven years ago, and this annual checkup was “routine.” “Routine” is a subjective term to me. My routine has changed. My routine has to change to survive. I feel unsettled. I feel depressed. I haven’t done a blog post for months because I’m not sure what to write.  My wife recently told me that I “need to get my shit together.” My adolescent son wonders why dad is always angry. I told my neurologist about my depression. We had a blunt conversation about my medications. I really took any medications before my strokes. Today , to prevent strokes and seizures, I take many medications such as blood thinners and anti-seizure medications. In addition I was prescribed an antidepressant. “Why” you might ask? When you have a massive stroke and your life becomes a quagmire of grief, stress, and worry, I believe I have the right to be depressed. However, the medications I take are a delicate balance. The a

   Yesterday, I spoke at a hospital about my Idaho Aphasia, Apraxia and Dysarthria weekly support group.  The audience for my presentation were other stroke survivors who do not have the conditions referenced in the title. The stroke coordinator at the local hospital asked me to speak mainly to talk about the Facebook page I developed several years ago. I post at least three times a week using current articles and YouTube videos about these conditions. I used my Idaho Aphasia Facebook page as a basis for my presentation. One stroke survivor asked about Aphasia which does not happen to many stroke survivors. Rather than doing a clinical diagnosis I showed a YouTube video about Aphasia. Showing a video about Aphasia is the whole purpose for my aphasia Facebook page. I have posted hundreds of articles and videos through the years. Recently, a man from Pakistan who follows my Facebook page asked for help. I’m seeking answ

My son is 14 years old. He was six years old when my two strokes happened. I got out of the hospital on his seventh birthday. His whole childhood has been colored with strokes and the possibility of "Dad having another one." Dealing with teenage angst and emotions is bad enough in general. But I’m always concerned that my strokes have had a profound and negative impact on my son’s life. I read an article recently that made me think about my son and the impact of my strokes in his life. Here’s an excerpt: Indicators that children may be experiencing difficulties Indicators that children may be experiencing difficulties coping with their parent’s illness may include:   incomplete homework   poor concentration in class   a decrease in academic performance   messy schoolwork   unkempt appearance   tiredness   irritability   being withdrawn, tearful or aggressive   an increase in absences from school   an increase in somatic complaint

I have often thought about my “limits.” Before my strokes, I might’ve been too arrogant to realize that I do have limits.  I just thought I could handle everything. I thought I could do whatever I wanted in this world.  In the “Merry Wives of Windsor.” Shakespeare reflected my old life: “Why, then the world is my oyster,  Which I with sword will open.” It seems my oyster has a bitter aftertaste. I simply tired of fighting battles that I can’t win anymore.  It was different when I knew I could conquer every hurdle. I could multitask and solve every problem wit h ease. Since my strokes, everyday is a challenge. And I am happy that from the outside, people I think that my recovery is complete. Mainly because I’m not paralyzed, But often I am paralyzed with a fear of failing. I am paralyzed because of my aphasia. Being a high-profile person in the community, I have a fear of making mistakes when I speak. “Word finding” is a problem especially when I am emotional

CWI Library was recently awarded an Excellence in Academic Libraries Award, which is the academic library equivalent of winning an Academy Award. The award is given by the Association of College and Research Libraries ( ACRL ) to honor an  outstanding community college, college, and university library each year. It is a great achievement! That day included a College of Western Idaho training session for our innovative faculty. I listened to a presentation about new technologies and how to reach out to the new generation of students. I thought about my first experience teaching. I was in adjunct speech teacher at Boise state. I was 23 and nervous. It was a night class. When I introduced myself, several people seemed shocked. “You’re the teacher! You look like you’re in high school.” In the early 80s, technology consisted VHS tapes, old educational videos, and one old decrepit podium. I made sure that I used every available technology to engage my students. Fa