Dunham Family and My Stroke Story!

When people ask "how are you doing," the polite thing to say is "I am doing great!" For my step grandmother, we learned never to ask because she would tell EVERYTHING that was wrong with her health not for just her but everyone. When I had a stroke, the platitudes were more pronounced! Everyone was so concerned. It was gratifying. I have so many friends, and the generosity was so humbling to me. 10 months later, everyone is moving forward with their lives like me. But, just as everyone moves forward with their own lives, I do not think that a lot of people know about my reality. I don't know what their lives entail anymore. When I was working and very active, I knew a lot about their lives, kids, work, etc. Now that I am "home," I don't get around anymore! That is understandable. My mother-in-law told me that, when her husband died, there was so much activity. Then, days, and then months, and years slipped away. Do people know really wha...

My parents died last month. My mom and step dad were married for 42 years. My dad died almost 20 years ago. It seem unreal that they are gone. On Facebook, I posted news about my parents dying, and even now, it is surreal to me.  The outpouring of postings about my parents was a key part of my grieving even though I suppose I will be grieving for years. I did my mothers eulogy  which was very tough to do even if I had not had a stroke. Here is what I posted: September 23: Our mother died yesterday, a victim of ovarian cancer. She left us 13 days after our step father passed away. This was a quick exit after 80 years. Her considerable life force has ended. She was many things: Hardworking, beautiful (inside and out), driven, compassionate, feisty, loyal, and loving. But, Mom was simply a great mom and grandmother. That was all she ever wanted to be. She had so many great friends and people who loved her. I will miss her laugh. I will miss her endless phone calls. I wil...

My stroke was 10 months ago, and I am eager to get better. "Getting better" is relative because I have a long way to go. I have had 160 therapy session so far (speech, vision and occupational) plus massage therapy and acupuncture. I was partially   paralyzed  in my right arm. When I got out of the hospital -- 18 days! -- I was so scared. I was in a fog. I was in a daze. But, I slowly got some focus. "Focus" in the sense, that I was tired in every way. My words lacked focus. My vision lacked focus...literally! I was unsteady because I thought I would fall. I had to learn everything again. Oven? What was an oven? Light switches. Electrical outlets. Shaving. Showering. Tying my shoes. Driving -- not that I am driving even now! My standard answer when I am asked, "I am getting better." And, I am. But, I realize that I need a lot of time to recover. For example, in April, one of my therapists said I must return my blog...

This is from one of my favorite books. I have not read it for a long time. Given my stroke, this really hits home. Think about it.   Quotations From The Messiah's Handbook "Reminders for the Advanced Soul" in "Illusions - The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" by Richard Bach - 197 7 Perspective - Use It or Lose It. If you turned to this page, you're forgetting that what is going on around you is not reality. Think about that. Remember where you came from, where you're going, and why you created the mess you got yourself into in the first place. You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self. Don't turn away from possible futures before you're certain you don't have anything to learn from them. You're always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past. Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonst...

 I have never really liked Apple products. I guess I think they are so arrogant.  I think Steve Jobs was mean man. I think his personality is so caustic.Their corporate culture is so "know it all." But, because of my stroke, I have found that there are so many affordable tools for me. I can "read" the news through a program calls ""Speak It." I helps me use e-mails, reading, etc. I have a program called "Predictable" that literally predicts my words. I just got my new iPhone 5, and it seamlessly uses my phone and my iPad. So, I really like their products. But, still....yuck!

I watched a movie called “Regarding Henry” starring Harrison Ford the other night. I kind of remembered the movie, but like so many movies, it was a distant memory. I don’t know who told me that I should watch again, but it was sobering to me. The back story was irrelevant for me. But, the focus was so similar to what I have been going through. Brain injury. Therapy. Scared.   The protagonist had a child. Very driven. Working too hard. Not really realizing what is important. And, it is gone in an instant. Instant. That the end of the movie, the family is better than the were before.   I hope so. A movie is about two hours. For me, this is my life. I don’t know when I will get “better,” just like I don’t know when I will recover.   And, that is “recovery” anyway. This tragedy  actually made my family better is so many ways. A movie is about 2 hours. For me, the story has no “The End.” For now.

My mother died on September 23, 2012. I never thought about it too much because my Mom was so vibrant. She was 80, but her health issues were very recent. She succumbed only about 5 months before she became ill.  As I said, her life force was so palpable that we thought she would out live all of us. But, as she said, “it was her time to go.”   So times, I catch me calling her. Just last Sunday,   I picked up my cell phone and just realized she is gone. Dead. My mom is dead. I sometimes I say that over and over just so I can convince myself that she is gone.   On Facebook, my tribute about my mother resonated. So many people commented, and that helped with my grieving process. When my Dad died almost 20 years ago, I do remember grieving, but I think this different for some reason. Maybe it’s because I was so close with her. How knows? I have been thinking a lot about life and death recently because of my stroke. But, life goes on. Seems kinda trite, but it is life -...