Skip to main content

Diminished expectations and strokes?



When a stroke happens, it usually takes time to realize allthat is lost.  You have to deal with your recovery first: therapy, doctor’s appointments, family pressures (there is alot of pressures for caregivers and the stroke survivors), and health issues.

At that time, you do not think about what your future holds other than getting better and short term financial pressures. What about disability insurance and social security? Do you have those resources?

When my stroke happened, I was dazed and confused. My wife had to deal with all of that “stuff:” Taking care of me, my son, financials, appointments, etc. She was – and is – a god send.

But, time passes. You get better every day. “Every day” is relative: I still cannot read and write very well, and I have moments of melancholy and depression. I struggle with my emotions sometimes, but that is understandable considering what happened to me.  

When you emerge from your stroke, it goes in phases. You emerge and you think that you are alive. You emerge and you are grateful to have family and friends for a support system. 

Then you think about work and if you can ever work again. What is my future? Everyone calls and offers support, but months go by. You do not want to be a victim, and you do not want to dwell on the stroke and the aftermath. You sometimes want to be alone and in seclusion.

Finally, when you are secure that you will not die, you start to think about life before and after. It seems ungrateful to think about material possessions. You should be happy to just to be alive. Life is gravy after a stroke. So, when you dream again, is it ungrateful to think that you might want a vacation, a new TV, or a car?  I've always wanted to have a 1961 Lincoln Continental with suicide doors. But I don't think that will happen now. What about retirement? Hmmmm.....


What happens emotionally when people raise money for you, and now I want “things?” Material things? I feel so guilty sometimes when I want things.  

I always assumed that I would have a great job. I always wanted to go to Europe. We wanted to travel. We wanted to make sure that our son had the opportunity to go to a great university.

Is this it? It seems that when you have a stroke, you do not think about things like that until you get “settled.” Do I have a “settle-forlife?” At 50, then 51, and now 52, will have a life of diminished expectations?

Even now, I have trouble reconciling my fate. Is that ungrateful? Is it expected? Is this the process of recovery and grieving? 

I just do not know. 



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Same as it ever was

When I had my two strokes more than 13 years ago, I was 50 years old. In the ensuing years I’ve had some health issues related to my strokes and other assorted “age related” things. In May of 2023, I was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis. As a result I have endured two years of pain and the resulting lack of exercise. That summer I tried to walk regularly but my heel pain was too extreme. I tried to do exercises to relieve the pain but nothing helped. In September of 2023 I asked my doctor to give me a shot of Cortizone. We were headed to Boston for meetings and then headed to Maine. I just wanted to enjoy the trip without pain. It helped a lot. Six months later I had the same pain. I went to an orthopedic doctor who prescribed minor physical therapy. It worked for a bit and then the pain got worse. In September of 2024, my regular doctor gave me another round of Cortizone shots so I could travel to Phoenix. It really helped. For a while. In February of 2025, the pain got worse. I went ...

January

January 10th was the 13th anniversary of my first stroke. After 18 days in the hospital (including my second massive stroke were I lost almost everything) we celebrated my son’s seventh birthday. I wanted to celebrate my son‘s birthday but I had no idea the sensory overload would cause. The flashing lights, the unbearable noise of the crowds and the music, and loud conversations caused me to panic. In the midst of my brain damaged confusion, I had to go to the bathroom. At that point I really didn’t know how to navigate the restaurant even though I had been there many times. I didn’t know the concept of letters and I didn’t know what “men” and “women” were on the doors. My little son gripped my hand and said, “Daddy… I will take you to the bathroom.” Stumbling through the crowded restaurant I was scared. My son guided me to the proper door and asked if I needed any more help. After I finished I came out and he grabbed my hand and took me back to the booth. In January this year, We cele...

Brain damage and social media

Recently I deactivated my Facebook account. I needed a time out to consider my options. There are so much vitriol in the political world and often it is spread by Donald Trump, MAGA, and Fox News. I understand that everybody has a different opinion. Even though I have been a Republican for decades, I cannot support nor understand Trump and his policies.  The reason I paused Facebook was for two instances where relatives of mine dismissed my concerns. I was disgusted when Trump pardoned all of the January 6th rioters. It was unconscionable for him to pardon people who assaulted and beat police officers. It’s ironic that the law and order party had no problems allowing police officers to be assaulted and beaten. Yet one of my relatives said that it was a peaceful protest and they should never have gone to jail. Another relative said that January 6 was staged like a Hollywood production. I was absolutely flabbergasted. Disgusting perspective.  In the midst of the confirmation bat...