NOT another stroke!

On May 28, 2013, I thought I was having another stroke. The last stroke happened on January 13, 2012. So, this was a massive shock. How could it happen again? Why? Why me? Again?

The day was normal, but I had an episode when I could not remember my last name. I could not read simple emails. I was so disappointed and terrified. My wonderful wife tried to reassure me even though she rushed to Saint Alphonsus Regional Medical Center in Boise

For a surreal 28 hours, I was at St. Al's undergoing tests. Pokes and prodded and given shots.

I had another MRI. Nope. That was not it which is great. During that 45 minute test, "I came back." Whatever happened, I recovered quickly.

Then, I had a "EEG" (electroencephalograph) measures brainwaves of different frequencies within the brain. Electrodes are placed on specific sites on the scalp to detect and record the electrical impulses within the brain. Negative. Also great.

So, what happened? It was not another stroke. It was not an aneurysm. It was not a seizure. So, this is great news! Basically, “it” was my strokes from last year healing.

But, if that is great news, why am I so nervous? That bad stroke happened at 5:00 am, and 17 months later, I was on the same floor…waiting to see if it might happen again. It did not.

Maybe, I am concerned that the stroke healing will continue in a bad way? Maybe, I am realizing that I might have another "issue."

One of the great nurses I met when my initial stroke happened 17 months ago was with me yesterday. She knows me. She looked in my eyes, and made me repeat that "I did NOT have a stroke or seizure! Repeat after me! I did NOT have a stroke or a seizure!”

In a nutshell, she told me something like this is "a pebble in the road of my recovery journey."

I realize all of that. "This is a long road" or "I have the opportunity for a second chance." Was yesterday a setback or was another opportunity? Two strokes in January last year, and “anomaly” yesterday? Or maybe, “three strikes and you are out?” Are these platitudes?

Rationally, I know that. But, this is my life and my reality. Should I be scared? Should I be prepared for the worst? So many “maybe’s....”

As I waited for the clock to strike 5:00 am, I thought about the book and movie "Love Story." The wife in the story died so young. Remember the first line of the book? "What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? That she was beautiful and brilliant? That she loved Mozart and Bach, the Beatles."

If I die too early, what would people say about me? I love my wife, Heather, and my beloved son, Ethan, my brothers, the Beatles, my family and friends, mystery novels, old black and white movies, photography, pot roast, and Russian history?

My parents had the luxury to know that they were going to die. That is an odd statement, but they did not leave anything left unsaid. So, for me, what if it happens again? Is this a second or third chance for a wake-up call to prepare that what is inevitable?

17 months. January 13, 2012 and May 29, 2013. What is the next date for my journey? Should I be running from my fate and hiding or living life with gusto?

For me, this thought is raw considering the last 36 hours. So raw.

I will not run. I will live my live to the fullest. Scared? Yup. But I am so pissed off. God? Fate? Nothing? Whatever! I will beat this in some way.

I will prepare for the worst, but I will not give up.

As Admiral Farragut proclaimed, "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!"

What is wrong with us! A lot: Aphasia, Apraxia, and Dysarthria

This morning, from 10:30 to Noon, at St. Lukes in Meridian Idaho, I participated in the “Aphasia, Apraxia, and Dysarthria Support Group” started a year ago through Idaho State University. We meet weekly. So, what is wrong with us? Aphasia is the name given to a collection of language disorders caused by damage to the brain. A requirement for a diagnosis of aphasia is that, prior to the illness or injury, the person's language skills were normal. The difficulties of people with aphasia can range from occasional trouble finding words to losing the ability to speak, read, or write, but does not affect intelligence. This also affects visual language such as sign language . The term "aphasia" implies a problem with one or more functions that are essential and specific to language function. It is not usually used when the language problem is a result of a more peripheral motor or sensory difficulty, such as paralysis affecting the speech muscles or a general hear...

Phantom Blindness and Taking a Break after Strokes

I met with my eye doctor last week about taking some time off from my vision therapy. I have been doing therapy since my stroke almost two and a half years ago. I am tired, and a need a break. My doctor said, “This is completely understandable. Take some time off.” At the appointment, my doctor tested my vision. Because of the strokes, my vision was affected, and I have a problem in my field of vision on the right side. I have a deficit with my right side peripheral vision. However, it is getting better. During the test, I told him that I “sense things on the right side of my peripheral vision.” It seems that I know that something is there, but I cannot really distinguish what it is. He told me that there is a body of thought describing phantom vision or phantom blindness. A Polish researcher, L. Bieganowski, described this phantom blindness this way: “The subject of the paper is the phenomenon of phantom vision. It occurs among the blind (or almost blind...

Anonymous Blogsphere and my strokes!

It is hard to believe that my strokes happened almost two and a half years ago. Sometimes, it is a distant reality. However, most of the time, this is a vivid and startling reality even now. When I wake up in the morning, I have to realize that this is NOT a dream. So, how am I doing? It depends. I continue to be grateful for my recovery. Every day, I know that it could have been so much worse. On the other hand, I still have invisible deficits. I participate in many stroke support groups because, until you have a stroke, no one can really understand the ramifications of strokes, recovery, and deficits. The National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute have insightful information about “Life After a Stroke.” Their website is http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/stroke/lifeafter.html The intro says “ The time it takes to recover from a stroke varies—it can take weeks, months, or even years. Some people recover fully, while others have long-term or lifelong...

Dunham Family and My Stroke Story!

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