The Imposture Syndrome & and strokes

20 years ago, a friend and I had a conversation about the "impostor syndrome." We laughed when we admitted that we have that condition.

Throughout my career I have thought about the impostor syndrome a lot. I have been honored and have accolades heaped on me.

But often I don't believe my "Press" has been deserved. From high school when I was honored to be the "Most Likely to Succeed" and through the years I have received honors like "BSU Alumni of the Year," elected twice to be on the board of the College of Western Idaho, etc. I have plaques galore.

Since the strokes, I was elected again to be on the board of the College of Western Idaho. The governor appointed me to be on the Board of the Idaho Housing and Finance Association. And I was chosen to be on the board of the American Heart and Stroke Association, the Idaho Chapter.

I'm trying to reconcile my life and being a victim of the impostor syndrome.

From Wikipedia, here is the definition:

"The impostor syndrome, sometimes called impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome, is a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their accomplishments. Despite external evidence of their competence, those with the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be."

My strokes have compounded my impostor syndrome for several reasons.

Even now, 27 months later I'm so humbled that hundreds of people donated funds to help with my therapy. Therapy that is ongoing even now. There are so many people more deserving.

Why me?

Early in my career, I became CEO of a large trade association. Throughout my career people consider me to be a leader. I don't know why.

Many people have told me that I am their mentor. I like to help people but not for the accolades. Why do they think I am their mentor?

Throughout my life people have asked me to be involved in so many ways. But why me?

My strokes 27 months ago, changed everything. But what did not change is my imposter syndrome. Actually, the stroke heightened my awareness of my limitations.

During a trip to Disney World, a friend of mine on Facebook commented that I look "so healthy, happy and relaxed. I am
jealous!"

In reality, though I'm grateful for my recovery, the impostor syndrome has exacerbated my lack of confidence. When you cannot read, write, and speak very well at all, it heightens your sense that you are an impostor in your life.

Comments

Same as it ever was

When I had my two strokes more than 13 years ago, I was 50 years old. In the ensuing years I’ve had some health issues related to my strokes and other assorted “age related” things. In May of 2023, I was diagnosed with plantar fasciitis. As a result I have endured two years of pain and the resulting lack of exercise. That summer I tried to walk regularly but my heel pain was too extreme. I tried to do exercises to relieve the pain but nothing helped. In September of 2023 I asked my doctor to give me a shot of Cortizone. We were headed to Boston for meetings and then headed to Maine. I just wanted to enjoy the trip without pain. It helped a lot. Six months later I had the same pain. I went to an orthopedic doctor who prescribed minor physical therapy. It worked for a bit and then the pain got worse. In September of 2024, my regular doctor gave me another round of Cortizone shots so I could travel to Phoenix. It really helped. For a while. In February of 2025, the pain got worse. I went ...

January

January 10th was the 13th anniversary of my first stroke. After 18 days in the hospital (including my second massive stroke were I lost almost everything) we celebrated my son’s seventh birthday. I wanted to celebrate my son‘s birthday but I had no idea the sensory overload would cause. The flashing lights, the unbearable noise of the crowds and the music, and loud conversations caused me to panic. In the midst of my brain damaged confusion, I had to go to the bathroom. At that point I really didn’t know how to navigate the restaurant even though I had been there many times. I didn’t know the concept of letters and I didn’t know what “men” and “women” were on the doors. My little son gripped my hand and said, “Daddy… I will take you to the bathroom.” Stumbling through the crowded restaurant I was scared. My son guided me to the proper door and asked if I needed any more help. After I finished I came out and he grabbed my hand and took me back to the booth. In January this year, We cele...

Brain damage and social media

Recently I deactivated my Facebook account. I needed a time out to consider my options. There are so much vitriol in the political world and often it is spread by Donald Trump, MAGA, and Fox News. I understand that everybody has a different opinion. Even though I have been a Republican for decades, I cannot support nor understand Trump and his policies. The reason I paused Facebook was for two instances where relatives of mine dismissed my concerns. I was disgusted when Trump pardoned all of the January 6th rioters. It was unconscionable for him to pardon people who assaulted and beat police officers. It’s ironic that the law and order party had no problems allowing police officers to be assaulted and beaten. Yet one of my relatives said that it was a peaceful protest and they should never have gone to jail. Another relative said that January 6 was staged like a Hollywood production. I was absolutely flabbergasted. Disgusting perspective. In the midst of the confirmation bat...

Dunham Family and My Stroke Story!

Search This Blog