Thursday, May 1, 2014

My life is Silent Lucidity

I had a vivid dream last night. A friend and a former coworker asked me to help him present information for new Idaho lobbyists. We were going to present together in a tag team format. That was a common occurrence in the “old days.”

However, when I woke up, it was back to reality.

I do not make presentations like that anymore. Because of my strokes and my aphasia, it is simply not possible for me to do what I loved doing before.

There is a song called “Silent Lucidity” from Queensryche. That song is haunting, and sometimes when I have dreams for some reason, I wake up and think of that song:

“Hush now don't you cry
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye You're lying safe in bed It was all a bad dream Spinning in your head”
“Wide awake you face the day
Your dream is over or has it just begun?”

When I woke up from that lobbying dream, I was lying safe in bed. However, it was NOT a “bad dream.” It was wonderful because I was my “old normal self.” I miss that.

I was on the top of my game professionally. Testifying at the legislature was fun for me. I relished hostile legislators peppering me with hard questions. I would make speeches around the nation. Writing and speaking were second nature to me.

In the blink of an eye, January 10, 2012 at 5:00 am, it was gone with the strokes. Hopes and dreams were dashed -- with my courage to face life sometimes. 

So, when I dream, I am back to "normal." Safe dreams.

However, I am still eternally grateful for my life and my recovery. My motto is “it could be worse.” I do have a second – maybe third – chance in life. I love my family. But still, I miss my old dreams.

“Wide awake you face the day

Your dream is over or has it just begun?”

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Call me anytime 573-9439. - Kevin Wade