Dunham Family and My Stroke Story!

My son is in the second grade. I am heartbroken that I have to talk to my son about dead children again. What can we say? No words can convey what I'm feeling. Disgust. Anger.Terror. Why? Every parent wants the best for the children. We want them to be safe. I cannot imagine what those parents are going through. My son is almost 8.  I cannot believe that Ethan is in second grade. It seem like yesterday that he was a toddler full of wonder. Now, there realities of life are intruding in our life. Dying kids. Shooters. Evil people. Pedophiles.Child abuse.  It is inconceivable that the world is such a hellacious place.  I know that evil is everywhere, and, at 51, I know that evil is not a new concept. But, it seems that there are more evils now.  Maybe because I am a parent now. Ethan.  I am so lucky! Ethan is a great kid. Funny, joyous, active, creative, irreverent, and caring. Tonight, when we are getting Ethan ready for bed, we w...

"The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated!" Mark Twain On March 17, 2012, there was a benefit for me, and I heard over 500 people attended. I was there, and I was astonished that so many people cared about me. Very humbling. My stroke was 11 months ago, and now I am beginning to work again. I will be taking it slow! The doctors have been dumbfounded that I am doing so well, but I should not push it. I can drive again. I am writing. I am reading. I sought reelection for the College of Western Idaho Board, and I won! My family is doing great! So, I'm happy. At my benefit on March 17th, one of my friends said "most people do not enjoy their own funeral!" I am taking the advice to heart, and I am living proof that second chances are real. I just cannot imagine that my "press" is real. I am a just "me." I am very irreverent and I laugh a lot!   One of the first things I wanted to do, was to return to my legislative activity...

I really never knew my grandmother. I kinda knew her from a distance  I saw here maybe about 5 or six times. My mother did not know her until she was 22 years old. But, my point about all of this is MY medical history.  The stroke was much unexpected. There was no family history, but last night I remembered that my grandmother died on her 66 th birthday and the cause was a cerebral hemorrhage.  Mom said that she told her other daughters that she would die that day--  and she did!   So, is there a hereditary condition? Who knows. I often wonder about adoptions.  How would you know about your medical history? For my brothers and me, I do know about our family history I guess. My Dad’s family history is the usual stuff. Grandpa Selmer had cancer and died at 77. Grandma Agnes had the “Robertson Disease” (her maiden name) but the common name is Alzheimer’s.  My dad has liver disease and died at 63 like his brother...

One of the most interesting things about my stroke is relearning everything. Tying my shoes. Using a belt. Using hairspray – assuming I have hair! Using tooth paste. Using a knife properly was a cautionary dilemma for me!  These very commonplace tasks are a struggle for me. So the gift that keeps giving is that I have to concentrate for even the most mundane tasks! Here is the clinical definition:     Apraxia is a disorder of the brain and nervous system in which a person is unable to perform tasks or movements when asked, even though: ·          The request or command is understood ·          They are willing to perform the task ·          The muscles needed to perform the task work properly ·          The task may have already been learned Other forms of apraxia include: ·  ...

I had a wakeup call yesterday. I great friend said something like “buck up!  Yes, you had a devastating thing happen but I am still living capable of doing great things with your life. And, this wasn't my tragedy. It was everyone's tragedy because we all love you.” My stroke happened almost 10 months ago, and I do have a lot to be thankful for. Most of my doctors told me that I would get better, but they said I probably would be disabled for life. That was devastating news, but it gave me incentive to tell them “F.U.” I have good and bad days like anyone, but life is good. I have my family and friends. I have options for my future, and many stroke “victims” do not. Granted, people really do not know about what I am going through. It is lonely sometimes. Frustrating? Certainly! But, life dealt a big blow to me. I think that I am handling it well considering what happened to me, but I also know that I have a great support system. Most people don’t have that kind of ...

Language is key for me. I love to write and read.   It is fundamental for my soul. I cannot imagine my life without communication, words, reading the great books and thoughts. But one of the most devastating things about my stroke is the loss of my inner voice that is my “thought.” I used to read so fast. I used write to fast. It is ironic that my “voice” is stilled because of my stroke. I was great in math, art, etc. School was really easy for me.   I cannot do a lot of things like I used, but, really, who cares about math! I do care about reading and writing. It is the essence of my being. And, I thought it would kill me even if I recovered from my stroke. It is getting better. The fact that I am blogging again is the testament that I am recovering. I must be patient. I want to read and write right NOW! But, my body is a mystery to me, and I must wait and let nature take its course. Last night, I noticed my cupboard door in my bathroom. I actually forgot that...

When people ask "how are you doing," the polite thing to say is "I am doing great!" For my step grandmother, we learned never to ask because she would tell EVERYTHING that was wrong with her health not for just her but everyone. When I had a stroke, the platitudes were more pronounced! Everyone was so concerned. It was gratifying. I have so many friends, and the generosity was so humbling to me. 10 months later, everyone is moving forward with their lives like me. But, just as everyone moves forward with their own lives, I do not think that a lot of people know about my reality. I don't know what their lives entail anymore. When I was working and very active, I knew a lot about their lives, kids, work, etc. Now that I am "home," I don't get around anymore! That is understandable. My mother-in-law told me that, when her husband died, there was so much activity. Then, days, and then months, and years slipped away. Do people know really wha...

My parents died last month. My mom and step dad were married for 42 years. My dad died almost 20 years ago. It seem unreal that they are gone. On Facebook, I posted news about my parents dying, and even now, it is surreal to me.  The outpouring of postings about my parents was a key part of my grieving even though I suppose I will be grieving for years. I did my mothers eulogy  which was very tough to do even if I had not had a stroke. Here is what I posted: September 23: Our mother died yesterday, a victim of ovarian cancer. She left us 13 days after our step father passed away. This was a quick exit after 80 years. Her considerable life force has ended. She was many things: Hardworking, beautiful (inside and out), driven, compassionate, feisty, loyal, and loving. But, Mom was simply a great mom and grandmother. That was all she ever wanted to be. She had so many great friends and people who loved her. I will miss her laugh. I will miss her endless phone calls. I wil...

My stroke was 10 months ago, and I am eager to get better. "Getting better" is relative because I have a long way to go. I have had 160 therapy session so far (speech, vision and occupational) plus massage therapy and acupuncture. I was partially   paralyzed  in my right arm. When I got out of the hospital -- 18 days! -- I was so scared. I was in a fog. I was in a daze. But, I slowly got some focus. "Focus" in the sense, that I was tired in every way. My words lacked focus. My vision lacked focus...literally! I was unsteady because I thought I would fall. I had to learn everything again. Oven? What was an oven? Light switches. Electrical outlets. Shaving. Showering. Tying my shoes. Driving -- not that I am driving even now! My standard answer when I am asked, "I am getting better." And, I am. But, I realize that I need a lot of time to recover. For example, in April, one of my therapists said I must return my blog...

This is from one of my favorite books. I have not read it for a long time. Given my stroke, this really hits home. Think about it.   Quotations From The Messiah's Handbook "Reminders for the Advanced Soul" in "Illusions - The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah" by Richard Bach - 197 7 Perspective - Use It or Lose It. If you turned to this page, you're forgetting that what is going on around you is not reality. Think about that. Remember where you came from, where you're going, and why you created the mess you got yourself into in the first place. You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self. Don't turn away from possible futures before you're certain you don't have anything to learn from them. You're always free to change your mind and choose a different future, or a different past. Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonst...

 I have never really liked Apple products. I guess I think they are so arrogant.  I think Steve Jobs was mean man. I think his personality is so caustic.Their corporate culture is so "know it all." But, because of my stroke, I have found that there are so many affordable tools for me. I can "read" the news through a program calls ""Speak It." I helps me use e-mails, reading, etc. I have a program called "Predictable" that literally predicts my words. I just got my new iPhone 5, and it seamlessly uses my phone and my iPad. So, I really like their products. But, still....yuck!

I watched a movie called “Regarding Henry” starring Harrison Ford the other night. I kind of remembered the movie, but like so many movies, it was a distant memory. I don’t know who told me that I should watch again, but it was sobering to me. The back story was irrelevant for me. But, the focus was so similar to what I have been going through. Brain injury. Therapy. Scared.   The protagonist had a child. Very driven. Working too hard. Not really realizing what is important. And, it is gone in an instant. Instant. That the end of the movie, the family is better than the were before.   I hope so. A movie is about two hours. For me, this is my life. I don’t know when I will get “better,” just like I don’t know when I will recover.   And, that is “recovery” anyway. This tragedy  actually made my family better is so many ways. A movie is about 2 hours. For me, the story has no “The End.” For now.

My mother died on September 23, 2012. I never thought about it too much because my Mom was so vibrant. She was 80, but her health issues were very recent. She succumbed only about 5 months before she became ill.  As I said, her life force was so palpable that we thought she would out live all of us. But, as she said, “it was her time to go.”   So times, I catch me calling her. Just last Sunday,   I picked up my cell phone and just realized she is gone. Dead. My mom is dead. I sometimes I say that over and over just so I can convince myself that she is gone.   On Facebook, my tribute about my mother resonated. So many people commented, and that helped with my grieving process. When my Dad died almost 20 years ago, I do remember grieving, but I think this different for some reason. Maybe it’s because I was so close with her. How knows? I have been thinking a lot about life and death recently because of my stroke. But, life goes on. Seems kinda trite, but it is life -...

I went to the Idaho Realtors’ Convention last week. It was great fun, and I saw so many friends. I was the director of the organization for about 20 years, and after all this time, many faces were the same, some of the issues were the same, and some of the personalities were same. I left the Realtors on Dec. 31, 2003. But, I have some many friends throughout the nation, and it was great to see many of them again. I am grateful that I was invited, and I am happy that they are using me as part of the new search committee for the next director. It is an important job, and I can help, I will.

Well, I have been meaning to return to my blog. It has been a tough year. My strike and my parents passing has been so starling to me. I do need to blog again. Doctor’s orders! So, this is my attempt to blog more consistently. It will make me accountable and I can view my progress. I used to write so much. When I wrote, it just flowed. It was a great outlet for me to express ideas, dreams, and hopes. I wondered if I would ever write again. As I write this blog, I am writing, but I am not editing like I used to. Rather, I am just writing, and I will correct my mistakes later. I don’t know if anyone will read my stuff, but I am setting a goal for me to write at least every week. This blog post was created in about 10 minutes including editing. Months ago, I almost cried because I could not string words together at all. I tried to do 4 sentences a day, and the sentence structure was weak. I started with simple sentences. Granted, some of my contacts suggest that I was “too word...

Another one of "The Greatest Generation" died September 10, 2012. My step dad, Karl Brown, was my hero. I met him when I was 8 years old, and for 42 years, my step dad was the epitome of love, caring, mentoring, inspiration and great jokes! He was the Best Man at our wedding. Thank you, Karl, for all that you have given me. I hope I can always make you proud of me. He was a great dad to me, and I will miss him. Also,o ur mother died September 23, 2012, a victim of ovarian cancer. She left us 13 days after our step father passed away. This was a quick exit after 80 years. Her considerable life force has ended. She was many things: Hardworking, beautiful (inside .. and out), driven, compassionate, feisty, loyal, and loving. But, Mom was simply a great mom and grandmother. That was all she ever wanted to be. She had so many great friends and people who loved her. I will miss her laugh. I will miss her endless phone calls. I will miss the best chocolate chip cookies ever....

MY NIGHTMARE! My stroke story…. Last fall, I was plagued with a series of massive headaches. Around Christmas, I had 7 of them. I had an MRI on January 6, 2012 but they couldn’t find anything wrong I collapsed on the morning of January 10, 2012. I had a tear in my carotid artery. I was getting better after three days in ICU, and then I had a massive stroke.  I was conscious the whole time, but I could not get to my call button. I laid there alone in the dark for an hour. That was the worst time I ever knew. Imagine being alone and terrified because I was trapped by my body. I could not communicate. I lost my ability talk. My whole family came to see me in the hospital. I was devastated because I thought my family was going to tell me that I was going to die. It was a horror I cannot ever forget. Fast-forward, I was in the hospital 18 days including 7 days in ICU. For 7 days, I could not even say “Ethan or Heather.” My name was a mystery to me. I couldn’t nam...

Hi Everyone, This took me forever to type this........ My benefit was a huge success to help raise money for my therapy after my stroke in January. It was a fun night with the Blues Brothers Band, silent auction, dancing and GREAT family and friends. I'd like to thank everyone, especially friends and volunteers! My friends and family are the heroes in this situation. I'm really humbled and grateful for what they've done for my family. I'm also grateful for the care l've received from my therapists. I want to thank Heather and Ethan for their patience. For a 7 year old child, Ethan is very courageous. Heather is everything to me! Your prayers and continued support have meant everything during my recovery.

Cub Scouts is fun! Ethan and his dad go to den meetings together. 2/18/12

MY WIFE DID THIS POST BECAUSE I COULD NOT WRITE: I had two strokes in January, 2012. The second stroke had a long term impact on my speech and language abilities. In all other respects I'm myself. My therapists have been great! I am blessed to have Heather & Ethan.  My family and friends have been amazing throughout all of this!

During the holiday season, Ethan's Catholic school held a Christmas program in which the First Graders presented the Birth of Jesus to the congregation of Sacred Heart in Boise. Our son is not really very shy, and when he had the opportunity to select his "character," he immediately said "Joseph!" Obviously, Joseph is a big role in any Nativity play. The girl who played Mary has an interesting relationship with our son. Earlier during the first semester of the year, she actually bullied Ethan on the playground to the extent there was a "talking to" about her behavior. However, it seems, in reality, that she and Ethan may actually like each other meaning their roles in the Nativity play were either typecasting or prophetic. However, when Ethan was explaining to me about who was playing Mary, he exclaimed, "Dad! Can you imagine being married to HER!" This comment was close on the heels of his comment to his mother about playing Joseph when...

Ethan turns 7 years old in a couple of weeks and his sense of independence (and desire for it) is expanding as quickly as his vocabulary. He now routinely asks to do routine tasks by himself such as turning the security system on and off in the house. It's actually a pretty sophisticated process, and he takes it very seriously. Part of his insistence on setting the alarm is, I suspect, to allay his continuing concerns about the burglary we had over a year ago. He continues to show apprehension even in the house with the doors locked. So, setting the alarm is important not only for his security but also for his growing sense of independence. This sense of independence takes on other forms as well. He now wants to use the rest room by himself in public places. Just last night, we attended the Borah-Capital High School varsity BB game, and he insisted on going to the bathroom by himself as well as standing in the concession line to buy his own snacks. I was pleased to see that he ...